Sometimes people leave and there is no explaining it; they just decide one day that they no longer want to deal with the relationship or friendship, and they walk out with no or very little explanation. This can leave a person tearing their self apart trying to piece together why it didn't work out.
From "it's not you, it's me" to people slowly putting in less and less effort into a relationship, people always seem to leave, and I am always left wondering what I could have done differently to make them want to stay. I spend too much time criticizing myself, wondering what I did wrong that made them want to leave. From friendships to boyfriends, I am always blaming myself for the fact that it didn't work out...for the fact that they left me behind.
Did I care too much? Was I too clingy? Did I not spend enough time with them? Did I want to spend too much time with them? Was I doing something they didn't like? Was I not doing enough? A million questions like this would run through my mind, and every single one of them was putting the blame on me. But, I would never think that maybe it really was them and not me. I finally started to realize that maybe I hadn't done anything wrong, and they left just because that is what people do; they leave.
Growing up, I was always told that if people wanted to be in your life, they'd make an effort, and if they weren't making an effort, then they didn't deserve to be in your life. It’s hard to remind yourself of that when your best friend or your significant other decides she's done putting in the effort, and you can feel the relationship starting to slip away. You start doing everything you can to salvage it, but nothing seems to work and eventually it gets exhausting being the only one trying. That's when the blame starts kicking it. She's leaving and she's not giving you anything to hold onto; no reason, no effort, nothing. It's human nature to blame yourself. You're doing everything you can and the other person still wants to walk out of your life. Or, when everything seems to be going perfect, out of the blue comes a huge argument and the communication comes to a standstill. No matter how the end comes about, the person who is left usually puts the blame on their self, saying that they could have tried harder to make it work.
It's time to stop blaming yourself and time to start understanding that people leave and it isn’t always your fault. We're growing up. You meet new people every day, and new connections are made. Older relationships fade while new ones thrive. Old habits and interests drift away as you're learning new things about yourself and meeting new people who share those same interests. Part of growing up is leaving things in the past and that includes people. You're not getting left because you aren't good enough, or you weren't doing enough, or any of the other reasons you try to put on yourself. You are good enough, and you always will be. As we transform into our adult lives, relationships fail and people get left behind. Take what you experienced and learn from it. Everyone you have a relationship with isn't meant to make it into your future.
You can spend countless hours blaming yourself for the failed relationships and friendships you've had, but you also need to realize that while some of them may have been because you began to have different interests or changed in some way or whatever else happened, not every single one of them were your fault, and you can't beat yourself up over whether it was. The people who are meant to be in your life will be, and the people who aren't, well...let them leave you. Being left allows for growth. Aways remember that everything happens for a reason. The people who are meant to be in your life will be.
