“Endurance isn’t just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory”

-William Barclay

Many people in my life have told me the word that defines me best is ‘endurance’. For a long time, I was unsure of why. I knew that I had encountered hardships and difficult relationships, but it wasn’t until recently that I looked back to see all that I’ve overcome. Here is my how I endured the end to a relationship, and my advice to those of you who are in the same place I was.

The Loving:

It’s funny how quickly you realize that you would give anything for someone. Or at least it is in my case. I’ve always been told I have a big heart, and that although it is one of my best qualities, it’s also my greatest downfall. I tend to care too greatly about people and I’ll overwork myself to do something to help another, which runs me down. It took me a long time to realize this. Love is a weird word. It’s a noun and an adjective, and yet it can be both at the same time. We spend our entire lives searching for love, finding it, and losing it, whether we would like to admit it or not. Love is tricky. We all love in different ways. I’m not necessarily talking about the 5 love languages here, but more so that in the same way that we are all individually different as people, we are also as lovers. Sometimes we can love in ways that push people away. I tend to do that, because I have a big heart and I love too much. I will hardly admit to it, but I truly care about a lot of people in my life. And yes, there are days where I feel secure and loved by them as well, but more often than not, I am left with my own harrowing thoughts, wondering if people care about me in the same way I care about them. Ultimately no one is going to love me in the exact same way I love them because, as I said earlier, everyone loves differently. My advice to you is to be bold, and love others like you’d want someone to love you. And I promise, someone will love you in return. 

The Breaking and Hurting:

Breaking is the art of learning how to not completely fall apart. I wish I could say it’s easy and painless but unfortunately it’s not. We’ve all been broken. I consider the breaking the beginning of the end. The last fight. The last tear. The last kiss. Those are the breaking moments. The times in your heart so tender that you can’t help but think about them without choking back tears. Sadly we all have moments, and memories in our minds like this. I know I do. And yes, sometimes there are days these come to the front of our minds, and we’re reminded of how being broken feels. But I ask this of you: don’t let the moments that broke you, define you. We tend to be defined by ex-boyfriends, abusive family members, mental illness, you name it. But why find your value and worth in what destroys you? Why not find it in love? Sure it’s hard not to feel worthless from time to time. But the worst moment of your life is the last thing that should be what makes you unique. In the times you are breaking, remember the times you were not, and surround yourself with those who love you, and it will make the breaking a bit easier.

The Searching and Healing:

Once time passes, and you don’t feel as broken, you begin to heal, searching for something new to occupy the holes in your heart. These are the times you fill with fresh new memories, new people, and fresh starts. Take time to realize your worth and your value are not defined by your past or men. It’s defined by you, and those who love you. Find one thing you like about yourself, every day, and write it down. After a while you’ll have an entire list of things that are good about yourself. Stay away from places and things that remind you of him, it breaks you down, it doesn’t make you stronger. Rely on others to be there for you, and to help you create new memories and moments to reflect on. Find who you are, and take the time to like yourself. 

The Growing:

The art of moving on is the last thing to do. It might be difficult, but I found this part the easiest. At this point, you should realize that you deserve better than him, and anything he ever gave you. So go, and find that. Find something better, something you deserve. I promise he’s out there, you just need to be patient to wait for the right one. Don’t jump into another relationship right away because you’re healed from the prior one. I know patience is hard, and it is definitely not a virtue I have been bestowed, but if you remain patient, you will be surprised what life gives you. Don’t try to make others jealous. I know we all want to slap our ex’s across the face with the fact we’re over them, but that isn’t the best way to handle the situation. If you are trying to make your ex jealous, then you’re still giving them time and attention they don’t deserve. Instead, put that energy into friendships, and possibly a new relationship. And you will truly be rewarded.

This is the process of endurance. This is how I regained my strength after being broken from a relationship. Some people don’t go through every stage, and some go through more than this, but I promise to you, something better is yet to come. I didn’t believe people when they told me this, but now that I’m looking back at the past two years of my life, they were right. I hope this provides you some comfort, or maybe some advice. Best of luck to you, and if you take anything from all this, remember this; Your worth and value are not defined by anyone else but you, so take the time to love yourself first before letting someone tell you that you’re anything less than exquisite.

Always,

HMS