Many people think that relationships need time to have real depth. That even if there is an instant connection or people just click, the time factor is still important.
While I think time is a vital aspect to keeping a relationship happy and growing, I think depth doesn't always need the time people think it does. In fact, I think depth is completely separate from time. Why else would you open up to someone on your first coffee date, or within a week of hitting it off with a new friend pour your life story out to them? Depth is part of the connection and comfort one feels with another, not the amount of time spent together.
When you meet someone you truly connect with, it doesn't take long to want to hang out more and become closer. It also creates a situation where one feels comfortable quickly because a good connection is a strong connection. Time cannot bring strength to a connection, it can only bring shared experience. When one has a strong connection with another they are more likely to fall into a mutual understanding and therefore have an openness that creates depth in the relationship.
As I've grown older and met more people, I am realizing that background only does so much, and that there is more to friendship than simply casual hang outs. As C.S. Lewis puts it in his book The Four Loves, friendship is not a matter of time but, " Friendship...is born at the moment when one man says to another 'What! You too?'" Friendship is based on mutual likeness and a sense of solidarity found in that, and that can happen almost instantly.
Friendship is something we cannot quite grasp. There is no formula, but simply a sort of spark. It is harder to find a real friend than essentially any other relationship. Friendship is mysterious and is often misattributed as things it is not, given precedents it does not need. We often look at friendship as something everyone essentially has or can have with anyone, but honestly that's not true. Friendship is special and selective. That is not to say you can't be friendly or kind to everyone, but no amount of anything can make a friendship and no amount of time can give it depth. Some relationships will always stay at an acquaintance level and that's okay. We need to realize that putting time in means something, but not everything. That friendship is something that just happens for some groups and not others and that depth is not only found with those who have a connection beyond shared events and experiences.
