It’s hard to think about college as a defining factor of your career, especially when you’re being thrown into something you have little to no basis of understanding on. As a filmmaker, it was especially hard for me to almost abandon film in coming to college for a more “conservative” major. I’ve heard the infamous, “Are you sure you want to be an artist?” far too many times, and in efforts to mute that, I threw film out the window for a second, and looked at life from a communications standpoint.

And that made me realize that I hate it.

Everywhere I look, I see a potential film. A drop of coffee into the pot reminds me of gentle rain over a lake, toes tapping bring me to a music video, and things as simple as a page turning remind me of what set life was like, and how much I miss it.

I haven’t set foot on a film set since my last project, done in January, for a music video class I did in my senior year of high school. And feeling this sort of emptiness, or longing, for this art has brought me to appreciate the memories that I’ve built on set. I’ve stood in -20 degree Fahrenheit weather in the middle of a Michigan winter in order to execute a beautiful shot; I’ve dangled myself, and my camera over the roof of a moving car; I’ve stood on ladders far taller than deemed safe, and the thought of never having this adrenaline rush on set crushes me.

It’s hard to think that college or university might bring a new chapter in life, but that doesn’t always mean that the last one is closed. Moving on to different things requires looking back at life and appreciating what has been brought to you, without shutting it out.