Three Lessons About Being Superficial

Three Lessons About Being Superficial


We all do it.  It’s impossible not to.  

Appearance is the first thing we normally notice when we meet a person. Below, is an eye-opening personal story that should help you realize the importance of putting an end to all negative judgment. 

In August 2013, I was moving into junior year at Kappa and $3,000 worth of my personal belongings got donated to Goodwill without my consent. That was my hard earned cash: saving up to buy shoes, bags, dresses, Lululemon apparel, hair straightener, jackets, jewelry, etc. Also, homemade gifts and accessories from friends and loved ones, as well as a $300 quilt that I sewed myself to bring with me to college. Tossed. All gone. And with these belongings tossed, so was my image.

Since that day, I slowly went from being a classy, somewhat disorganized, busy girl to a needy, selfish, mad-at-the-world-person-all-the-time kind of girl. It has been over a year, and I am still recalling more and more items that I no longer have. I still find it hard to let it go. I am thankful for the few, true friends, who stepped up and let me borrow a towel, a curling iron and even gave me some nice hand me downs. But for those who only see me, these days, in my seventh grade rain slicker and yoga pants that don’t make it past my ankles, at least now you know what I’ve been through. Maybe, you will be less likely to judge.               

I do miss feeling put together and beautiful. Image is important!  And as the fall whether comes, I start to cry a little stepping outside, remembering the faux-leather jacket my mom sent me for my birthday, freshman year that I wish I could wear again.

I miss living up to being that fun-loving, sorority girl, who has new beautiful things, and who doesn’t have a care in the world. But as with every mistake or mishap, we create a learning experience. Below are three things I learned about being superficial.

1. Looks aren’t everything! Stop the judgment. One take away that I got from this experience, is realizing how superficial I used to be. I am even more grateful for all that I do have. I have a much deeper appreciation for people, for who they are and their uniqueness. I find it disgusting how people go out of their way to mess with their hair color, go on crazy crash diets, and even buy expensive shoes, just to live up to some image they have when they are a beautiful person just the way they are. Superficial treatments or possessions won’t make you better than anybody else.

2. People’s opinions of you change, but your opinion of yourself doesn’t. People who see me at all the jobs I work might describe me as, happy, busy, and dedicated. People, who see me in class, might consider me as needy and not put together. While both may be true, neither matter. I’ve realized that I can’t please everybody. Trust me, it’s actually impossible. Everyone has a different opinion. What I can do is change my opinion of myself. If I think well of myself, and that is all that really matters.

3. The importance of a kind gesture. People might seem confident and secure on the outside, but on the inside they could be fragile; might break down and cry at any instant. There are lots of stories I could tell you to paint a better picture of why I am the way that I am. People go through a lot, and what is amazing is that we all keep going. Never underestimate the power of a hello, a random text or phone call or wishing someone a good day. Deep down, you never know what kind of battle that person is fighting, and your small gesture -- whether a hug or a smile -- could make all the difference in the world.   

Much love. Quit starting rumors, and get to know me.  xoxo

Cover Image Credit: Copyright: <a href=''>icetray / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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I Wonder If You'd Be Proud of Me

Or if you even think of me at all.


I wonder if you'd be proud of me.

My first thought when I wake up in the morning is whether or not you still think of me. I think about if I am wearing the right outfit if I were to see you that day. I think about if I am saying the right thing for you to want to want me again.

Throughout my day, I think about whether or not you're happy. I wonder if the feeling in my heart of missing who I thought you were is making its way to you. Sometimes I think about what I did to make you hate me as much as you do.

Sometimes when things get really hard, I think about picking up the phone to call you. Time keeps passing from the last time I saw you and during that time I've painted a picture of you that would probably only disappoint me in the end. Your phone number still sits in my phone and I go to your contact, wanting to call, but knowing that at the other end is not the person I used to know.

I wonder if you watch me. I wonder if the posts I make, pictures I post, and articles I write are viewed by you and whether or not you care to even search my name. I wonder if you ask people about me or if you care to know the person I am today.

Without you, I have changed. It has been two years and though time will only continue moving on without you, I wonder what would have happened if I didn't make the choices I made to make you react in the way you have.

When the sun shines bright on the flowers blooming around campus, I think of your jokes and sarcastic wit. When the rain pours from the sky and keeps me imprisoned within the walls of a building, I think of ways I felt imprisoned by you. When clouds form shapes in the sky that I can make stories out of, I think of the way life could've been.

Sometimes I write to you. They are the letters I can never send because I have to remind myself that though we knew each other once, you do not know me anymore. The picture in my mind of who you are now is someone who'd love me with open arms, but I know that there's no truth in that. It's only my wishful thinking out to break my heart once more.

I wonder if you hear me when I try talking to you. I wonder if the words I tell God are making their way to you as you go on living the life we always talked about when times get tough. I wonder if you're talking to God about me.

As I watch the sunset, I think about the last moment I was with you. As that chapter ended, I was only wishfully thinking that walking away would save me from further pain. In the end, I don't know about how life would've been different had it not happened.

When my picture of you gets too bright and I share it with others, I am reminded of reality. The screaming, crying, pushing, shoving, and hitting touches my skin once more in the form of flashbacks that push me further down into the depths of a depression. I am reminded of the hundreds of suicidal thoughts and letters that I've written once before.

No matter what, my heart still yearns for a hug. A hug where I can bury myself into your body and feel safe. A hug where I forget every worry in my mind and focus solely on the love.

I wonder if you'd still love me if I changed myself to be the person you've always wanted me to be. I wonder if you'd forgive me for walking away, even if it was for me to change to be a better person. I wonder if you'll ever even read this.

Days like today, I want to go back in time. I sit on the benches around campus and look up at the sky, down at the cars passing by, and listen to life move on all around me as I remain stuck. I hear people talking, see them laughing, and wonder if there's any way I could one day feel as alive as they do.

The truth is that I was never enough for you. No matter how much I changed, kept notes of what you liked so I could be like that, or just kept my head down and moved silently, nothing was ever enough.

No matter what, though, I still yearn to be loved in the way that I picture you should've loved me. Closure does not exist. You were the ones who were supposed to hold me down. But now I am nothing to you...I was always nothing to you.

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