Lets face it, I suck at communicating as well as many others.
"I'm fine" are two words that can mean so much and so little. It can mean a multitude of things. "I'm fine" has become so automatic to the response, "how are you?". It is assumed that when one answers "I'm fine" that it is a cue to stop talking. More often than not, "I'm fine" is a safety net for the true response, which can be startling for some. Why do the two words, "I'm fine", have to be so complicated? I have a few reasons why I say "I'm fine" and what it really means.
Sometimes I have a hard time describing emotions. "I'm fine" does not always mean I am trying to cut someone off in a conversation. There are times where I simply do not know how I feel. More often, "I'm fine" comes off as rude in these particular situations, but the truth is I do not like making people feel uncomfortable. I don't like talking about my problems with just anyone.
Speaking of problems, "I'm fine" can mean the total opposite. It can mean that I am totally not fine and I wish someone would see right through it. In this scenario, "i'm fine" means I'm overwhelmed, hurt, scared, losing my mind, annoyed, etc. I want to be comforted but don't know how to convey it. Sometimes I have no idea how I can be helped. "I'm fine" is a way of maintaining locus of control even when I feel like I have none.
"I'm fine" can also mean I feel defeated. More often than not, feeling defeated means that life is simply not going my way. It means that work is not going well, school, my relationship, my home life, etc. I try not to let people know when I feel defeated. Yes, it is not healthy, but in a way, I have built a wall. It takes a special person to see that when I say, "i'm fine", to come around and say, "I know you are not okay".
"I'm fine" has many meanings. Nine times out of ten nobody is actually fine, but build a wall up in fear of vulnerability. Nobody likes feeling vulnerable. Neither do I. With that being said, to most of the world that I am a part of, my response to "how are you" will almost always be, "I'm fine".
