Tanning—it’s a bad habit, but for most of us, it’s a way of life. Whether you say you only do it to prep for your next formal or to get a base for that spring break trip to Padre, we’re all guilty just the same. Here are a few of the thoughts we all can’t help but have while we spend those 15 minutes pretending we’re anywhere but the Midwest:

1. What will I name my guide dog if I keep my eyes open for too long in here?

Is "Buddy" too basic?

2. I hope my back fat doesn’t give me a weird tan line.

*Finds the perfect position to avoid it and doesn't move an inch for 15 minutes straight*

3. How should I escape if this thing locks?

I should add SWAT to my speed dial.

4. Spending 15 minutes in here is the same as two hours in the sun during the summer, right?

I'm basically exposing myself to the same odds of getting skin cancer as I do at the beach during the summer, Mom.

5. Is this what burning flesh smells like?

Next stop: shower.

6. I hope my phone doesn't blow up while I'm taking a Snapchat in here.

Don't forget to include the temperature filter on that bad boy.

7. I wonder who gets to pick the music they play

.

They should really start taking requests.

8. Hmm…what warm destination should I pretend I’m in for the next 15 minutes?

I hear the Virgin Islands are beautiful this time of year.

9. I wonder if this is what food feels like when you’re cooking it in the oven.

Those poor dino nuggets.

10. Someone’s definitely gonna walk in on me, but I can't lock the door because what if I get stuck and they can't get in here to help me.

11. I wish I used a shamrock sticker instead of a heart one.

Ugh, my ancestors would be so disappointed

12. OK, did I just pee or am I really sweating that much?

Swass is such a real thing.

13. I feel bad for whoever cleans these things.

I don't feel as bad if they get to tan for free

14. I should stop tanning so much.

Maybe next month...

But most importantly:

15. Am I bronze yet?

Slap on some sunscreen and hit the beds, ladies! Happy tanning!