There are a lot of theories and opinions about gender identity, and whether or not an individual can make the choice for themselves. But have we ever questioned why it is that girls are encouraged to dance and boys to play in the mud? Were the first humans equipped with some sort of rule book telling them what to like if they had a vagina or penis? There are many who are quick to use phrases like, “be a man” or “that’s not very ladylike,” but do what the hell do those things even mean? Are we really going to enforce dress codes, activities, careers, and lifestyle choices based on what exists between our legs?
From the time we are born, we begin shaping our own identities. Pink is for girls, blue is for boys. We begin to internalize the gender roles that our society enforces, and we shape our own identity based off the examples that we are shown. Typically, our parents dress us in dresses if we are female, and teach us to play baseball if we’re male. We experiment as we grow, but often only within the boundaries that we have been taught.
As a female who identifies as such, I will not claim to know what it’s like to be confused about my gender. However, I grew up in a rural area, where it was not only normal but encouraged for girls to work on the farm, play sports, and yes, play in the mud. I still learned how to dress and act “like a lady” but I will not deny that I had a lot more room to explore without rigid gender roles holding me back, and for that I am thankful. But my experience does not represent the entire human race, and just because I don’t understand what gender confusion feels like, doesn’t mean it isn’t real, and surely doesn’t make it a “mental illness.”
My point: just because you don’t experience something doesn’t make it invalid, and just because you think something is normal doesn’t mean it makes sense. We often forget that societal norms have long and complicated histories, and are often meaningless. Many of us have a tendency to forget that the way things are now aren’t the way they always were, and that there is nothing inherently good or true about many of our cultural norms. In regards to gender, we take for granted the ways in which we learn to be girls and boys. We forget that there is nothing inherently “male” about sports, beer, or cars, just like there is nothing inherently “female” about art, dance, makeup, or the color pink. Sure, we have different biologies and some things are easier to excel at based on body type, but that does not mean that these activities should be exclusive.
As Americans we have been raised in a culture that has a heavy history of misogyny and we forget that our gender roles have been shaped by the same history. We teach boys that if they like to play with dolls or hate sports that they are somehow not “real men”, that they are female, or even that they are homosexual. We call girls who like sports, hunting, or lifting weights “butch” or “dikes” as if the things they enjoy somehow alter their sexual preferences. We force these arbitrary rules onto ourselves and then wonder why people become confused about their gender and sexuality. So, the next time you find yourself confused, judgemental, or upset about somebody else’s gender identity struggle, ask yourself, what has shaped your own idea of what makes a male a man and a female a woman? Is it really an “illness” to try and make sense of oneself in a culture that enforces nonsensical norms? And most importantly, is it even your business at all to have an opinion on someone else’s body or lifestyle? If you can’t find it in your mind or heart to think critically about an issue, the least you can do is live and let live, and keep your thoughtlessness to yourself.
