Holy %$*@! I’m going to be a college senior. This sudden realization is something that I have been saying for days now. My last year at college. I’m basically on the brink of educational freedom. Well, it could be my last year. Oh god, a lot of things are happening. A million things are racing through my head and I decided to write some of them down.

1. “I’m so ready for it to be over.”

I finally can get the hell out of here. No more 3 a.m. fire alarms, no more crappy dining hall food and definitely no more classes (if I don’t have to go to grad school). I never have to wake up for a 8 a.m. ever again! YAY!

2. “Damn, I grew up.”

I cannot even remember waking up late for a class or crying because I got a 60 on an exam. It’s like I have my life together or something. Like I am actually, sort of kind of an adult. It’s weird. Why can’t I be 12 and stop having responsibilities?

3. “I want to move on to bigger things but what about my friends?”

I always knew that I wanted to do great things and change the world. And I also know that my friends will be doing the same. My heart hurts to know that we cannot do it together. I know there is always phone calls and FaceTime but I need nights filled with takeout and gossip.

4. “Holy Mother of Debt.”

I have one more year until I acquire the most expensive piece of paper that I own. (Watch, the paper probably will have my name misspelled). But as soon as I get that paper, more papers are going to come and take that money. The only way to stop it is to either 1. To die or 2. Go to grad school. Spoiler Alert: If you go to grad school after your undergrad your loans won’t begin until you finish. But the more you go to school, the more you owe. Oh god, I have headache already just thinking about it. Make it stop.

5. “How does one ever begin to find the right grad school?”

There are so many programs and places that I want to go. Where do I even begin? They say college is where you find your passion and grad school is where you study that passion. I have more than one passion. How do I choose?!

6. “Every decision from now on will impact my future...damn.”

This isn’t like high school; I cannot skip early morning classes and go to the beach. Like high school, this graduation is more than just a way out. It’s the start of a whole new life. My dreams are now in front of me. And I get to pick and choose what happens.

7. “If I don’t have fun, I will go crazy.”

We have formals, grad parties, weddings, spring break, senior trips and everything else under the sun. Oh my god, I cannot wait.

8. “But wait, can I afford this?”

I love making memories but they usually have a price tag. I’ll need to buy new dresses, makeup material and new shoes. If you don’t know me, I can be pretty frugal. I will probably splurge here and there.

9. “Time to Pinterest grad caps!”

I feel like one of the biggest things that I want to do is create my grad cap. In earlier years, I have some truly amazing caps that blew me away. Now, it is my turn and get way more creative than I should and make the grad cap of my dreams.

10. “My audition/research is going to be my top priority.”

For some of us, we will be audition for grad schools or even working on our senior thesis. Though we can almost taste the freedom, we have to keep our eyes on the prize. We cannot lose sight of the one thing that is between you and graduation.

11. “This year is going to unforgettable.”

How do you want to measure your year? I want to in smiles, laughter, and tears. The hard parts of my life are over and now the real journey can begin during my final year. It will be impossible and unforgettable. And I will love every minute of it.

12. “I think I’m ready.”

Are you?