April 25 may be just any ordinary day for most people. But for me, it is one that changed my world. This April 25 will mark four years since my parents’ divorce was finalized, serving as the final nail in the coffin of their 22-year marriage. The old saying that everything gets better with time seems like it would apply in this case, and that four years later, I would be in a better place. But while time has helped to move the topic to the back of my mind, it unfortunately continues to reside there. No matter what, my parents’ divorce will always be on my mind.
There are so many emotions and complex thoughts that children of divorced parents inevitably face. From the moment I learned that my parents were officially becoming another statistic, I went through a revolving cycle of anger, bitterness, sadness, worry, and confusion. I wish I could say that I have now escaped this cycle, but since it’s been four years and I still experience these emotions, it’s safe to say I will likely feel this way for most, if not the rest of my life.
My parents had decided to go through with the divorce process during my senior year of high school. By the time the final documents were signed and all was said and done, I was 18, otherwise known as a legal adult for all intents and purposes. While most children experience a divorce young, I felt like my experience was different. Not necessarily worse, but not necessarily better, either. Just different.
I often questioned (and still do) whether it was a blessing in disguise for my parents to call it quits after successfully raising two daughters into adulthood. Had they decided to split while I was younger, I would have no doubt been forced to share time and weekends between residences, cramming multiple family gatherings into one holiday, and this would have been completely normal. While there are obvious drawbacks to this scenario, I can't help but wonder if this type of life would help me cope with divorce better. Experiencing divorce as an adult is a different world. Having spent 18 years as part of a family that wasn't broken, it charged my emotions even further to think about the only life I had ever known was never going to be the same.
There is no doubt that watching a divorce split up your family is devastating, but it also affects children's perceptions of love and marriage. It took a divorce for me to realize that despite my parents being together for my first 18 years, I had never seen them be truly happy the way that couples should be. For this reason, I now classify myself as skeptic of marriage. How am I supposed to live up to promises and vows exchanged with someone when there is a possibility that we will not be happy and it is far easier to give up on a marriage than to work at it so it truly is until "death do us part?"
I know this seems like an extremely negative and pessimistic view, but I won’t sugar coat how one event has drastically impacted my life. While I'm certainly not alone in having divorced parents, each case and each family is different. In my case, it's shaped who I've become. It made me more guarded and closed off, but at the same time, it also made me stronger. I can only hope that other children of divorce can take it and learn from it like I have.
