People try to console me after stating I have divorced parents. They give me a sad face then exclaim, “at least you get two Christmases”, and it is in that moment that I know they do not have divorced parents. I am unsure if they are attempting to be funny or have no idea what to say. In all honesty, you do not need to say anything. I know the reality of the situation, and I have come to terms with it.
Holidays have always been the hardest. You know no matter what, you are missing time with the other parent and that family. As you attempt to enjoy the present moment with who is around you, you still drift to what your other family is doing. If you could, you would tear yourself in half and spend time with both equally. Each family is equally important and deserves everything you have to give.
My perspective on love is much different. I am a long-term thinker. I have so much difficulty keeping my mind in present time. I am constantly a thousand steps ahead, because what is the point of being in love if it might end. Why take that chance? I worry that I will be in love and it will fizzle out years later. I am afraid to inflict this situation onto future kids. My mind is constantly wrapped up in what ifs that worry me into a spiral. Love is a sticky situation and you don’t want to get caught.
My parents did not remain friends status post-divorce. It was never a secret that they were not fans of each other. They have a history that has led them to this point. Quite frankly, I do not care. They each of given me unconditional love and that did not change with divorce. The mudslinging between parents was hard, but in the end they were both your parents and you loved them equally.
In the end, divorce was my blessing. Many ask, how could you be okay with your parents being divorced? It took me many years to find comfort in divorce. Part of you remains angry, the whole thing was beyond your control, and you had absolutely no choice. You always find ways to blame yourself. You feel powerless and like you are being stretched between two of the most important people in your life – your parents – but there is only so much you can do to satisfy everyone. There will never be comfort found in the what ifs, but after years of searching I have found my comfort.
I have found my comfort in knowing divorce is not a light decision and that it took a lot to finally get to that point. I find comfort in knowing that no one, including my parents, should be subjected to staying in an unhappy relationship. I have found comfort in knowing that my parents have found two incredible people who make them very happy. I found in comfort that I gained two great stepparents and a larger family. Comfort can be found in such a tough situation. People do not get married with the intentions of getting divorced. In the end, life happens and so does divorce.
