1. You're not my Bollywood actor.
Every indian girl tries to look for her Bollywood actor in every Indian boy she meets. We've grown up watching too many Bollywood movies to think that our wedding isn't going to be fairytale. If your not as romantic as Shahrukh or as charming as Ranbir, you’re just another Desi Disappointment of the Year. Sorry I've seen Shahrukh, Ranbir and Salman, even if it's only in films, so NEXT.

2. They’re lying.

Whether it’s your grandmother, mom or older sister, everyone has that female matchmaking protagonist in their life. No matter where they go, they make you look like the “hot in demand” girl that everyone’s after. I’m sorry everybody, their lying to you. My roti’s aren’t round and the last time I tried to cook Indian food, I burned down half the kitchen. What they really aren’t saying is that if you marry my granddaughter, your family will starve and your house will be a dust ball. You don’t know what’s more embarrassing: hearing them praise you in front of your face or realizing that less than half of the praises are true. But I do know how to make Maggi, if that counts?

3. It’s not easy.

Did you know my sari weighs 15 pounds? My earrings make it feel as if the Empire State Building is attached to my ears, and my make up is weighing my entire face down. and yet I’m smiling. Huh, Indian boys? Weightlifting at the gym just to show off those six-pack abs at every wedding? I’m sorry I’m a little bit better than you because you know I’m weightlifting at every party with my heavy sari, earrings and gold necklaces. No competition dude.

4. Every time I wear Indian clothes, I feel like I’m the prettiest girl in the world.

Yeah, they’re uncomfortable, and yeah, they’re itchy, but you can’t disregard the fact that you look gorgeous in them. Every time you hear that someone is having a sweet sixteen or a wedding is coming, you jump for joy. You take every single sari, ghagra, blouse out and evaluate every possible combination. If the bride is going to look the best, you are going to look the second best, sari not sorry!

5. I refuse to believe any other girl looks better in her Indian outfit.

If you see another random Indian girl who looks prettier than you in her outfit, you want to go tell her that she looks like all the Sari shops in Edison vomited on her. I’m sorry, but no part of me wants to look at you fondly, when your spinning around in your ghagra looking like the princess that I am. Disclaimer: Every Indian girl wants to look the best, and its tough competition.