Let's face it, every girl at some point in time has had one of these thoughts. Rather it be gross or entertaining, bleeding once a month is a normal gig for any girl. So, for any male reading this article, I am sorry but it will give you some insight on what goes through our mind while we are raging walking hormonal sticks.
1. No! Not my favorite underwear: We all have that one pair of underwear we cherish deeply. As you're reading this, I am sure you're picturing it in your mind. And then all of sudden you get this great idea that you think you are invincible, no blood will ruin this one pair. Low and behold, you were wrong and now your favorite underwear is ruined.
2. "Will you check me?": Whether it be your best friend or a stranger in the women's bathroom you muster up some courage to ask if someone will look at your butt. In the small moment you turn around, your only thought is please say I am good. Relieved as soon as they tell you they see nothing, you quietly rejoice and go on with your day.
3. Give me a heating pad, or give me death: Praise the lamb for this great invention. Set to the highest setting you could care less if you give your skin a first-degree burn or possibly risk your families lives by sleeping with it on. Your cramps are first priority and no one has time to feel like death is overtaking their soul.
4. Shoot, am I leaking?: There's no way. You suddenly think back in your mind to the last time you changed your pad or tampon. Thinking to yourself, you rather not risk anything this time, you rush to the nearest bathroom.
5. Oh, my god, my boobs are so sore I can't even sleep on my stomach: Great, you think, as you get excited to get into bed. You crawl under the covers and lay on your stomach, only to become disappointed because your boobs are so sore. You think about how unfair life is for a moment, toss and turn, and then just accept that your uterus is the Devil.
6. I'll have one Oreo, one. *Eats a whole row or maybe even two*: This tastes so great. This was the best decision of your life. Shoot, no. What did you just do? You don't even like Oreos. Gosh dang-it! Now bloated and feeling like a small worm, you waddle your way to the couch to recover from an Oreo overdose.
7. Sweet, I look like I am three months pregnant: All you wanted was to feel and look good. And now looking in your mirror, you're running your hand over your stomach thinking to yourself how you look pregnant. Striking a maternity pose, you think well at least I know I'll be a cute preggo mom.
8. This extra five pounds of water weight is not a big deal. I didn't want to fit in my favorite shorts anyways: Discouraged and pissed you take your shorts off fast, reminding yourself your period is the enemy and you are not fat.
9. Ice cream, someone? Please?: You don't care what flavor. Actually you want something with chocolate. Maybe some peanut butter? The uterus is calling, you better get moving.
10. These cramps are from the devil himself, my gosh: Laying in a ball position softly crying, you wish you could just rip your uterus out. Devastated, you flop around a few more times to find yourself just as uncomfortable.
11. Oh, my god, puppies *starts crying*: Tears start streaming from your eyes as the little guys prance through a field. You love puppies and seeing them run happy and free just makes you feel so joyful. Catching yourself in the moment, you start to question why you're crying in the first place. They're dogs, for goodness sake.
12. Stop talking to me: You're raging. About to snap at any moment, your hormones are turning you into the Hulk. You shoot a glare to the person who will not stop talking. No longer hearing their voice, you smile to yourself with content. You have won.
13. When your period plays that cute joke that it's finished then come back two days later: Well, well, well— what do we have here? Hmmmm, great, you're back.
14. I don't even want kids yet. I shouldn't have to suffer: Zero desire to be a mother at the age of 20, you question why you even have to bleed. The suffering of pain and out-of-control emotions is probably equivalent to having kids. So, you conclude kids/bleeding not worth it.
15. I am free: It is done. You have survived, praise god. Until next month, sucker.
