Being a child of divorced parents in a way could seem like a sweet deal. Two birthdays, two Christmases and in some cases, more siblings and step-parents. But in other ways, it’s extremely difficult. We don’t want to be made to feel like we are choosing sides.
Choosing Sides.
I understand every situation is different, but in this case, please know that we refuse to choose sides. In our eyes as your children, we see you all as equals because we are your children and you guys are our parents. Whatever happened in your marriage is between you guys. It does not involve us. It impacts us as a family, most definitely, but we cannot stress enough that we shouldn’t be put in the middle of it. Half of the time, we have no idea what’s going on, either because we were too young to even know or we weren’t there. You can’t expect us to hate the other. We understand that maybe you need someone to hate that person just as much as you, but we cannot be that person for you. We’re sorry. It’s just not fair.
Holidays.
While it is wonderful to have so many people surround us on the holidays (it is a great problem to have, we understand), it is also extremely difficult to spend the same amount of time with everyone. Trust me, if we could, we would spend all the time in the world with each one of you guys, but unfortunately, we can’t. It is physically impossible and it stresses us out. And if you think we don’t feel bad, we do. I can’t count the number of times I have left crying because I didn’t want to leave or I felt like I didn’t spend as much time with one as I did the other. In a perfect world, we would have everyone come together in one place, but that just makes everyone uncomfortable and could potentially lead to an even worse holiday. But please realize that having to go five different places on holidays is not our fault. We would love to stay in one place and not have to run around but unfortunately, that’s how it has to be.
School Related Events.
We dread having school-related events because we don’t look forward to having to split our time. We cannot split ourselves into the many different parts required. At most of these events, we have worked hard to get there and we want to show off to all our family because every single one of you guys has impacted or supported us to get to where we are today, and we want you there to see the end result. Call us selfish, but this is our moment and we just want everyone to be happy for us. We don’t want to have to worry about one of you guys getting mad at us for talking to the other or someone fighting with the other. We don’t want to deal with that so please, all we are asking is for less than 24 hours to be civil with each other and coexist in the same space. You don’t even have to talk to each other, just don’t fight and most importantly, don’t get mad at us. Please.
Even if you somehow think that by spending less time with you or that another parent buying us more things makes us love you any less, you are wrong. You are so wrong and we are hurt that you would even think that. Every single one of you (including step-parents in this) has given us more than we could have ever expected and you have no idea how appreciative we are. There is nothing we can do to ever repay that back. Most importantly, we want to remind you that this is not our fault, so please don’t put us in the middle of it.
