I never truly understood the words “timing is everything” until I met you.

I met you my first year of college. I was very much in love with the person who I spent two, very intense, very beautiful years with which would eventually come to a very rough end. Leaving him was unbearable, but for some reason when I was around you, I realized that he just did not matter. Better yet, nobody else mattered.

My freshman year, you were a junior and all too busy with everything you were involved in around campus. I was the girl who was finding new friends, learning the campus and trying to find my niche. I never even fathomed the idea of you. You were the boy who I was not too sure about, and the boy who’s name I barely remembered. You were the older boy who was part of the club that all my new friends were trying to get into. Flash-forward to the end of my sophomore year. You became my hardest goodbye so far at Norwich. I still replay it every single day in my head. And every single day after, I had wished I got a text that night saying you never wanted to see me go.

Because quite honestly, I didn’t want to leave you behind. But now I’m glad that I did.

I was completely broken when I had ended my relationship. I wasn’t quite sure who I really was anymore, because over those two years so much had changed and I acclimated with him by my side instead of figuring it out on my own. All I knew was I didn’t want to be alone, and you were not blind to it. I went through a time where bad decisions and I seemed to cross paths a lot, but you never once judged me. Or so, I thought you didn't. You were always there to help me through it. I was defined by my success, not by my mistakes. But unfortunately, you couldn’t see that like I thought you could at the time. That was the hardest thing that I came to see from losing you.

You always told me that I deserved better. You're absolutely right, I do.

Which is why I’m leaving you in my past now after everything had fallen apart between us. You and I never could quite get our timing right to be together. Which, now, I see as a blessing in disguise. I’ve found myself through losing you. I’ve found that I could still survive even though I lost the one person who meant the most to me. You were there to help me get through the worst things life has thrown my way these past few years. And I want to thank you for that. But I know now that deep-down, it was you that I also needed to tear from my heartstrings. You were there to help me heal, and it was your time to move on from my life.

They say you can’t just “be friends” with someone you love. And they’re right. You can’t. I loved you with my entire being, until I realized that you will never see me the same after watching me go through my troubles. I can't be friends with you, because you will never see me the same way you used to. I'll never be the same to you. You will always see the girl who made terrible mistakes. Although you’ll never see it, I’m not that girl anymore. I’m so much stronger than that person was. My friends see that now — I can't lie, it hurts the most that you never will.

Although you’ll never truly see it, I still hope someday that you do. I hope someday that you find someone who you can look at who has gone through a lot as beautiful, and strong, and a survivor. And lastly, I hope you find someone who brightens up your world like you used to brighten up mine.

You deserve nothing less than that.