It happens in a moment of passion. It could be emotional or rage-inducing in origin, but one way or another, you find yourself at this brief crossroads: do you follow through with what you're about to say in hopes of winning the argument, or do you think about it for a moment as you consider possible repercussions?
Clearly, we don't spend enough time thinking it through most of the time.
Moments of pressure can take away from our ability to think things through.
It's simple, but it's true. When it comes to the heat of the moment, conversation flows so quickly that nobody involved gets enough time to think about anything. Miscommunication is already a massive problem in its own right, but situations such as this cause even more arguments rather than ending the one they are a part of.
When you are deep in a heated conversation with someone you care deeply about, you might find yourself erupting with claims you never thought possible from you. These can vary across levels of hostility, but you send a clear message by letting such vicious words out of your mouth, even if it was unintentional. It may not be what you wanted to say, but if you are able to say such things at that kind of time, it is more than likely you truly believe what you said to be true to some degree. Whoever you have this spat with will likely know you well enough to tell whether you mean it, and that's where a rough conversation can become an ultimatum.
Nobody really wants this, but sooner or later, everybody ends up causing it.
The more we lash back, the worse things get for everyone involved.
Look, I get it. There are many cases you may feel like you had absolutely no blame in causing whatever argument you find yourself in. I would argue in most cases all parties involved have at least some kind of degree of responsibility for the situation at hand, whether you directly caused it or your extreme reaction just raised tensions.
Perhaps someone close to you has died and you find yourself becoming rather irritable. You try to soothe your family around you, only to get pushed down at every step as they insist that there is no making light of the situation, that there is nothing to be hopeful about, and maybe you should take a moment and consider their feelings too.
"Why are you all taking this so seriously?"
"He's already gone, what is there left to be so sad about?"
The point they're making may be correct and deep down somewhere you know it too, but instead you might take things a step further and avoid the real problem (that being, your underlying grief for the deceased) in favor of demanding others grieve the same way as you. This is an issue that could honestly fill an entire article by itself.
Maybe instead of losing a loved one by way of death, you find yourself in hot water with your significant other. Things have been rocky for a while, and you don't want to admit it, but you know the entire thing is about to come crashing down. Since you can't come to terms with this oncoming heartbreak, you instead make the decision to lash out at your soon-to-be ex when the discussion finally turns its head. Rather than take the time to discuss your options and consider alternative routes, your fear of a future alone pushes you into a position where your mouth loses control of your words.
"I hate you!"
"If you truly loved me, you wouldn't do this to me!"
"You'll find your way back to me before long. I just know it."
"I hope you realize what you did to me when I'm gone."
This mindset is dangerous and extremely toxic, and one that has affected my life personally at times on both ends. These words are not to be thrown around lightly, and while your breakup will become just about definite as a result, you may end up permanently affecting the other party for no reason other than wanting to deflect pain from yourself. You probably think that by throwing words like this into the air that your partner will change their minds and reconsider splitting. In reality nothing could be further from the truth, and the more words like these you choose to throw around, the less chance you will have of staying in their lives whatsoever.
Sometimes words we leave are left unanswered.
Other words we may regret could be the ones that never get acknowledged.
For instance, after a week of building up the confidence and forming your message to perfection, your friend finally gives you the courage to move forward and message that person you've been crushing hard on. Whether or not they're aware you exist, this is the time you've chosen to make yourself known.
"Hey, we may not know each other well, but I think you're cool and was wondering if we could hang out sometime?"
Maybe this conversation happens over a DM, or maybe you manage the bravado to do it in person. Hell, maybe you waited for over two and a half hours alone with the person before saying a word on the subject (it happens to the best of us). Regardless, you took your stand and made your voice heard. And the response? Complete silence. In many cases, they may leave your message on read, and if you talked in person, they may just find a polite way to turn you down before avoiding future contact. It can be a pretty defeating moment for lots of people considering the difficulty of putting yourself out there like this, causing mass amounts of regret over having said anything at all. Maybe things would have been better if nothing was said at all.
It's okay to regret some of the words we say, but we must accept responsibility for them.
Human beings are extremely flawed in a way that would take far too long to cover in a lifetime. Mistakes get made, and words get said. We're going to say a lot of things we wish we could take back, and this is natural, but we have to understand that what's said is said and all we can do now is make the best of it. Just because you let out some words you wish you hadn't does not mean it's too late to patch up the damage.
"I understand that this is how you choose to grieve, and I might do it another way, but in the end, I'm just glad we have each other to rely on through this. I'm sorry."
"I should have listened to you more and not tried to make our relationship all about myself. If you truly want to separate for good I don't blame you, and I apologize for any pain I may have caused you. But if you're willing to discuss things further, you know I'm all ears."
"Sorry if I made you uncomfortable before. I didn't know how to say what I did. I'm fine with just being friends if that's what you prefer, I just don't want to lose you completely."
As long as you show genuineness in your efforts, people will notice and can judge for themselves whether to forgive you. The best you can do is make the most of the words you say and let others decide for themselves. If you mean what you say, they will see that and come around in due time. Meanwhile, keep striving to be your best self and wait for your time to come.
All of us are making our own way through the game of life on our own terms, and don't always stop to think properly about what we say to the people around us. Pay close attention to your words, and choose them carefully. You never know just who may be listening...and you never know just how heavily the wrong words might affect them.
