Your alarm goes off, it’s time to wake up.
The sun is rising and the birds are singing. You check your phone and your heart sinks to the bottom of the ocean because for the first time in a while you grabbed your phone and there was no good morning text from your now “ex” or no good morning text to send …you can’t even digest the fact that you’re not in a relationship anymore, it’s in the past, it’s gone.
You roll out of bed, time for breakfast. You’re hungry, you don’t have an appetite but either way, you cook something quickly and eat it to shut up your empty stomach. Shower time. You take off your pajamas and get in the shower, you let the water pour over you as a cloud of steam starts to form. For a moment, you get lost and start thinking about how your special someone is out of your love life, you start remembering the good times…and the bad ones too. Your tears get washed away by the water that keeps falling. You come back to reality, you better hurry up or you’ll be late, you quickly finish showering and roll a towel around your body.
You look into the bathroom mirror, you feel empty. You get ready to start off your day and leave your place. As you’re headed to your next destination, you start planning your day for one as opposed to a day for two. You get your duties done, you grab some lunch. You feel sick, you keep remembering the way your hands perfectly held each other, how much you loved being in the car with them with the windows down and the wind blowing through your hair and all your daily activities keep reminding you that you’re no longer in a relationship with the one you love.
Once your day is over, you go back home. All you can think about is them, you stare at your phone waiting for a call, a text, something but instead you get nothing. You think about calling or texting to tell them that you still love them, that you feel empty and incomplete, that you can’t stop thinking about them but you keep holding yourself back. More tears. You sit in bed, reflecting upon everything. You eat something that you think will make you feel better; no success. You stare at the window hopelessly waiting for something to happen, something to change.
You need some sleep. You roll into bed and you lay there, alone as you have ever felt. You continue having the same thoughts and eventually you fall asleep.
Next day you wake up and you realize you’re alone again but now it’s different. You realize that you’re fine and this time you don’t check your phone for a good morning text nor consider sending one. You think about how you were able to go an entire day by yourself. You ate even if you weren’t feeling like it, you showered and got ready, left your living space and you took on your day, went back home and got into bed. Yes, you might’ve felt alone and empty but your day didn’t change, your life didn’t change, your company did but no one is responsible for your life rather than yourself and you don’t need anyone to do the things you normally do. It is nice to share your life with a special someone, you know you like it but that you don’t need it. You know it’s still painful and the wounds are fresh but they’ll eventually heal and you’ll be ready to love someone else but for now, you decide it’s time to love yourself because no one else will do it better than you do.
