Although rape is commonly used to describe acing a test, winning a fight or making light of a serious situation, it is a tragic, irreversible act of violence, committed against another person’s will. And as my FYCARE script reads: it is not sex. It is violence.
I am talking to you. As a University of Illinois student, you have most
likely taken the mandatory two hour-long workshop educating students about rape
and how to assist a survivor of sexual assault. At that time, however, it is unlikely you had been fully exposed to the culture that is glorified
through drug and alcohol abuse. Aside from that, there is a chance you overlooked it altogether, deciding it made you uncomfortable, or brushing it
aside as something you will never have to deal with yourself.
Take a look back at your college experience and decide for
yourself if you have ever had someone open up to you about feeling pressure to
do something they did not want to do, but felt forced. Or someone feeling obligated after accepting a drink from someone else. Or they felt guilty for not “putting out” after going to a date event with
someone. Chances are, due to the standards that are created through social
media, advertising and pop culture, one or more of these scenarios are easily
relatable to an instance in your own life. Absolutely all of these
scenarios have one thing in common: they are all a product of the rape culture
we live in. The number one takeaway is that it is okay to say no.
By all means, if you are interested in whomever was buying
you those vodka cranberries all night long, it is also okay to say yes. But, too
often, we are under the impression that accepting a drink is more than just that,
that it is some sort of transaction. Contrary to this popular belief, it is
absolutely, most certainly not. Sex is not a transaction. Sex is a gift given
purely by choice and through mutual consent between all parties involved. If
you are afraid that person will hate you for saying no after buying you all
those drinks, first of all, they do not seem like a very nice person. And second,
those dollar drinks -- or even the Trump fortune -- are not worth the slightest
next to what you choose to do with your body, and who you allow to be a part of that
experience.
Please, do not mistake this for being an anti-drinking, anti-partying rant. However,
alcohol is no excuse for poor judgment and taking control away from
another individual. As a FYCARE facilitator, I do my job because of how crucial
I think it is for everyone to open their eyes to these ideas we pass off as
norms, and realize that we all need to play a part in order to stop it from
continuing further and effecting more lives.
Not too long ago, I myself passed off with these pro-rape culture ideals as norms. After taking the CARE class (CHLH 199B), I am no longer that same individual. I see myself in a better light.
I want to get the message across that you should not be ashamed
of your body, whether it is slender, curvy, beefy or anything in between.
Do not be afraid to dress how you want or do what you want, as long as you are comfortable in your skin. We should never blame ourselves for something that happened
to us if it was out of our control. Be careful, be safe, but be yourself.
Guys, this goes for you, too. We are told that women are the only victims
of sexual assault, but that is totally false. One in 16 men are
sexually assaulted in their undergraduate career, and that is no reason for that
man to feel any less of a man than they are. It is not the victim’s fault, it is the perpetrator’s.
Thankfully, our university has several resources for every
student, whatever gender they identify with, to help a survivor cope with a
sexual assault, as well as provide resources to file a claim against the
perpetrator and everything in between. The Counseling Center, located in the
Turner Student Services building at the corner of Sixth and John, provides
counseling and other resources for survivors. The Women’s Resource Center,
located next to Coco Mero on Wright Street, is another great resource for help
and support and it is not just for women, it is available to anyone at all. R.A.C.E.S.,
or the Rape Advocacy, Counseling and Education Services, is also a great outlet
and offers an absolutely free 24/7 hotline service that can be reached at (217)
344-6604. All of these resources are confidential and free of
charge.
Although much more can be said on the topic of sexual
assault and rape culture, I wanted to delve into it and do a recap of
what students learn in FYCARE because it does not just end after a two-hour workshop.
Rape is something that needs to be talked about and
discussed, openly, to prevent it from happening. If you, or someone you know, is a survivor of sexual assault, remember that it is not the
victim’s fault and we are here to help. All of us need to do our part in ending
rape culture. You can start by only using the word in its proper context.