This Is Me Letting You Go

This Is Me Letting You Go

We had what we had, and we can't have any more.
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I told my therapist about you.

Because when I tried to hurt you like you hurt me, you didn't bat an eye. Because I can feel myself becoming a memory. Because I saw all of this coming, too, and I thought I could handle it, even though your absence caused me to stay in bed for thirty-six hours and down cheap alcohol that I couldn’t stand the taste of and kiss strangers because, as it turns out, I couldn’t.

Because I can feel myself becoming irrelevant to you, and because I am slowly realizing that I don’t know how relevant I ever was.

I think the worst thing in the world is never knowing what role you play in someone else’s life. If they only think about you when they meet someone with your name or major or hometown, or if you simply exist as a wandering thought at three in the morning, or if you never dare to leave their mind, if they feel your presence in every song and laugh and crowd. Do they miss you when you're gone? Or do they think it's ridiculous that you miss them, so much that you can feel it in your bones.

It's the worst thing to not know, especially if that person once played the starring role in the movie of your life, especially when that role should have been yours all along.

It’s becoming obvious that you were never meant to stay in my life forever. And that’s okay. I’m really, really trying to make myself understand that it is. Because what you did for me—making me feel alive, and accepted, and like I could do this—that will have changed me irrevocably and forever and through that, you will stay a part of me even long after we have both moved on.

I hope you know that I am eternally grateful for the impact you had on me. I hope you know that I was just too scared to do anything about the way I felt, but I wanted to. God, I wanted to.

And I hope she knows that she’s the luckiest girl in the world to be adored by you.

I know you don’t owe me anything. I know you’re happy. And I know that this won’t go anywhere.

We had what we had, and it was special, and life-changing, and it was enough. It has to be enough.

So this is me letting you go.

This is me promising that I’m going to stop checking up on you on social media. I’m going to stop writing about you and directing monologues at you. I’m going to stop crying about you and seeking your approval and finding excuses to stay in your life.

I’m going to stop giving you chances to prove me wrong. I’m going to stop hoping for you.

This isn’t me giving up. It’s me giving in. To the life I know I deserve. This is me giving myself a chance and believing that I am enough, that I am strong enough to face the world without you.

This is me letting you go.

At least—it’s me trying to.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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14 Fraternity Guy Gifts Ideas, Since He Already Has Enough Beer

Frat boys are a species of their own and here are some exciting gifts they will be ecstatic to receive!

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What more do frat boys love than alcohol, partying, and just acting stupid? Here are some gifts that help fulfill all of those needs for the frat boy in your life!

1. Beer holster belt

Whats better than one beer? Six beers! This fashionable camouflage accessory can be used for tailgates, beach days, formals and everything in between.

Price: $8.49 (one pack), $14.99 (two pack)

2. Phone juul holder 

You know those cardholders everyone sticks on the back of their phones? Well, now a Juul holder for your phone is on the market! This will save your favorite frat boy from ever again losing his Juul!

Price: $10.98

3. Animal house poster 

This Animal House poster is a classic staple for any frat boy. This poster will compliment any frat house decor or lack thereof.

Price: $1.95

4. The American Fraternity book

Does the frat boy in your life need a good read for Thanksgiving or winter break? Look no farther, this will certainly keep his attention and give him a history lesson on American fraternity heritage and tradition.

Price: $28.46

5. Beer pong socks 

These snazzy socks featuring beer pong will be loved by any frat boy. As for the way to any frat boy's heart may, in fact, be beer pong.

Price: $12.00

6. Condom case

This condom carrying case will not only protect condoms from damage but also make frat boys more inclined to practice safe sex, which is a win-win situation!

Price: $9.99

7. Frat house candle

Ahhh yes, who does not like the smell of stale beer in a dark, musty frat house basement? Frat boys can make their apartment or bedroom back home smell like their favorite place with the help of this candle.

Price: $16.99

8. "Frat" sticker

Frat boys always need to make sure everyone around them knows just how "fratty" they are. This versatile stick can go on a laptop, car, water bottle, or practically anywhere their little hearts desire.

Price: $6.50

9. Natty Light t-shirt 

Even I will admit that this shirt is pretty cool. The frat boy in your life will wear this shirt at every possible moment, it is just that cool!

Price: $38.76-$41.11

10. Natty light fanny pack 

This fanny pack can absolutely be rocked by any frat boy. The built-in koozie adds a nice touch.

Price: $21.85

11. Bud Light Neon Beer Sign 

A neon beer sign will be the perfect addition to any frat boys bedroom.

Price: $79.99

12. Beer Opener

Although most frat boys' go to beers come in cans, this bottle opener will be useful for those special occasions when they buy nicer bottled beers.

Price: $7.99

13. Frat House Dr. Sign

Price: $13.99

Forget stealing random street signs, with this gift frat boys no longer have to do so.

14. Beer Lights 

Lights are an essential for any party and these will surely light up even the lamest parties.

Price: $17.19

Please note that prices are accurate and items in stock as of the time of publication. As an Amazon Associate, Odyssey may earn a portion of qualifying sales.

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Shout Out To My Ex(es)

People are brought into your life as either a blessing or a lesson you get to choose the impact.

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If I knew what I know now, I wouldn't have spent hours on a doorstep begging you to hear me. Hear me tell you of all the
reasons why I loved you. Loved you with all of me-- even the parts that were unknown to me. If I knew how all of it would end,
I wouldn't have spent so much time on each of you. Tending to you like a garden knowing damn well my green thumb is somewhere next to pocket change and lost crumbs in between couch cushions. It's this that makes me human, seeing something broken and thinking I can fix it with duct tape and gorilla glue, but this zoo is closed for renovations. The cages
you placed me it became too small and I think it's time I stretch my legs.

"A watched pot never boils." The old saying my mom would use while in the kitchen trying to find an excuse- rather a
validation for her frustration. You've said that you looked for me when you lost me. Why couldn't you find me? Find me where you left me, on that back burner. Not watching me while I viciously thrash about, spilling my contents onto black stove tops-- anything for you to notice me. Blame me for making this mess and turn me down to a simmer while you attend to other more important matters.

If I loved myself as I loved you, I would have told you that you were hurting me; that the backburner you kept me on became
too hot for me to sit on my hands, biting my tongue hoping for your happy return. It's not that I had no love for myself.
It's just that most of my love was going to you like a slo-mo hourglass-- draining my figure, all of me becoming your lifeline.
Your extra life-- cats only have 9 and you tried cheating life one too many times. If I loved you, I would have told you that your zipper was down instead of taking that small victory from myself because for once you knew what embarrassment felt like.

You see, there is a difference between liking and loving, a difference between a deep infatuation and being head over
heels for someone. A difference between love and lust. I liked all of you, fell into a deep infatuation with some of you, and
lusted for most of you. But loving is something that's effortless like waves crashing into each other in the farthest parts of the ocean. Stumbling into one another like a baby giraffe learning to walk. Use me like a banister for support as
you make your way down the curve of my stairs. I guess my parents were right, that there is a time for everything and growing
up shouldn't be rushed-- like a wet manicure, it will get smudged.

But I thank all of you, every single one of you that entered my life and taught me valuable information about myself and people
in general. I regret none of you, keep in touch with some of you and even have a love for most of you. Every single one
of you taught me a lesson with the same theme: I cannot be in a relationship until I study to understand and love myself
with the same passion I used to create dossiers for each of you. Now, yes I am talking about exes, but this can also be said about other types of relationships whether platonic or romantic all of you have added your own personal stamp
within me as one does in a passport. When you read this I hope you get to the end and not stop at the part that triggers you. This isn't a burn you, expose you, trash you, type of thing but instead a type of thing that helps me and hopefully you achieve clarity. You see I have reached the conclusion that I didn't need any of you and I wanted all of you. For you? I hope the clarity
you reach is that I am okay, and you were never a mistake.

With Love,

XX

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