For many years I have struggled with being proud of myself. It wasn't until lately that I feel completely overwhelmed with joy. Most might find such happiness a trivial matter, but to me, I have overcome a milestone of success. I feel no need to have a pity party, but any person who has had self-esteem, anxiety, and/ or OCD would know that these type of issues are somewhat annoying and destructive to handle. These thoughts have slowly affected me, little by little I have pushed the devil out of my life because I will no longer be a victim to his viscous persuasion. God is crafting my life every day and now I see this, he is slowly making changes for me that have impacted me in a way that is unexplainable. He has led my life partner and best friend to me, kept me driven for the beautiful opportunities I have, healed my wounds, led me to a job that I have already fallen in love with and, most of all, has spoken to me everyday through others to remind me that I am a God-fearing child of his that will always be loved. Most of you are probably wondering what I am "babbling" about, well continue reading and you will surely find out.
I know I am a work in progress but I also know that I have found my "purpose." Through much deep thinking, processing and failing continuously in my decisions, I have finally been led to the place where my heart belongs. The good lord protects me every day, especially when I am driving. I'm sorry daddy that you are constantly fixing my car, but I truly appreciate your amazing skills and your endless love. Anyway, I am always praying, every meal I eat and every breath I take, I am completely thankful for this life I live.
I feel as though my "purpose" is slowly beginning to be fulfilled. Recently, actually three months ago, I found out about this Certified Nursing Assistant program that is offered every few months or so at an assisted living facility. I have just completed my first week of the program and I only have one more week of classroom skills followed by one week of working on the floor. To say that I am excited is an understatement, I am falling in love with this opportunity more and more as each day passes. This constant building of passion for this job is due to my constant prayers asking God, "Please lord lead me to where I will be happy. Lead me to the place I need to be so I will further my success."
I called many places asking if there were any openings for this program and most of them were only offered in the fall, one day my mom's friend gave me the number to NHC and I called and left a message and an application with the secretary to give to the nurse instructor of the CNA program. After I turned this application in, I prayed every day and asked my family to pray as well. One day I was sitting in Spanish and I was receiving a call from an Anniston, AL area code, I wasn't going to answer at first, but I quickly finished my test and stepped outside to call back. When Mrs. Edna answered the phone and told me I was able to start the class in May, I was completely overjoyed I could not stop smiling after I went back to class. I sat back down at my desk and bowed my head and thanked God for his abundant blessings.
Here I am now, one week away from stepping on the floor with a nurse to work in each of the three units and I can hardly contain my excitement. I have been praying that God sends me a sign when I work in the different units to lead my heart to the one I need to be in. The unit I look forward to the most contains the most precious people, the Alzheimer's and dementia patients whom I will pour every ounce of love into taking the best care of them. Not only will I show them an endless amount of love, I will provide the upmost respect to them and build special relationships as well. My personal goal is to make these beautiful people feel at home, to make their day just by making conversation, to love them and care for them just as I would my family and, most of all, to build a relationship with them that I will cherish for a lifetime. Most people could not work with people who struggle from diseases such as these, but the thing most do not realize is the person you physically see is struggling to recall your name, or their own, perhaps they have no idea where they are; the disease is what causes these occurrences not your loved ones. These statements may seem harsh but they are true, the disease is wicked and it makes the most amazing person do things they have never done in their life, it makes them act as if they are 6 years old again. I know all of this seems brutally honest because it is, but these people need as much love and the best care possible until the last day they inhale and exhale one last time.
While most of you are probably wondering where this is coming from, I must say that it has come from the occurrences around me this past week. I have become somewhat hateful inside, I have not loved myself for the longest time and I have prayed about my issues, I've had someone I love ask if they can pray with me and I will love myself because I am not promised tomorrow, no one is. I have asked the lord daily for forgiveness and prayed for the people I've lost this week and most importantly for the families who have lost their loved ones.
I know this article may have covered a variety of subjects, but the overall purpose is to remind people that, no matter what you are going through, if you hand all of the issues to God, he will answer because his love is endless and he is merciful. Always remember that you never know the last time you will take a breath; hold close to the ones you love, be kind to everyone because we all have a purpose and we are children of God and, most of all, love yourself and the life you live because you always have a greater purpose to serve.