I honestly really don't know where to even start with writing this article. I'm usually very good with putting my feelings into words but even now I feel as though my sentences aren't doing my thoughts any justice. Last night was the first night that I was left speechless. I know, it really doesn't sound like that much of an extravagant event or maybe it even sounds indescribably cliche, but knowing myself and being aware that I am an extremely opinionated person and at times annoyingly stubborn because I am so in sync with my pride, I seem to put up this wall if you will. Last night was the first time that I broke that wall. Last night was the first time I let my pride take a break. Last night I allowed life to open my eyes. Last night I wasn't opinionated and I wasn't stubborn. I was real.

Trying to actually start this article shouldn't seem difficult but believe it or not it is. You know when you have all of your thoughts jumbled up together but you have no idea how to put them into the right set of words? Okay wait, maybe I can make this a lot easier for all of us. I'll start with this: I wouldn't say I am an unemotional person but I have trouble showing my emotions. I don't like to be emotional because I know that's the one moment where I am the most vulnerable. But then again, I am a firm believer when I say that being vulnerable is the first step in embracing the fact that imperfections are one's imperfect perfections. That was a lot right? Basically what I'm saying is, not having the answer all the time is OK. The work put into finding that answer is a hard process but it's also OK. That feeling you get when you're trying to swallow a cry, you know what I'm talking about right? That burning, painful, lump in your throat that is preventing you from being vulnerable. Those tears that well up so far up in your eyes that it feels like you're a person with 20/20 vision looking through someone else's glasses who is as blind as bat. It's OK to allow yourself to feel that pain and it's fine to wash away all of that blurry vision your forcing yourself to look through. Be vulnerable, be emotional, be confident. That my friends are my three "Be's." Extremely corny I know. Alright, enough with all of this sappy stuff..time for the real stuff.

Me and my older sister Tamar have a close relationship, one that I would never change. But sometimes I feel as though she is more connected with dealing with her emotions than I am. Her method: talking about it and allowing herself to cry. Nina's method: Swallowing the lump in my throat, letting the tears well up, and locking my door while blasting whatever music.

I don't think what I do is a bad thing but then again, I wish being emotional in front of my family wasn't so hard. The conversation we had last night was about as random as it could get but as truthful as it can be. Topic? Social media. I for one love taking selfies. I'm owning up to it. Listen, if I'm feeling myself and I feel confident in the way I look and I want to show it off, you better believe I will do just that. But at the end of the day what am I gaining? Of course in the process of being a Millenial comes the excitement of getting 100+ likes and more followers, but when my sister put it into perspective...are those 155 likes on my prom picture really going to matter in 10 years? Or that one guy that I never thought would notice me would accept my follow request and get this....FOLLOW ME BACK. No, it's not.

Tamar opened my eyes, truly. I can't be making this up. I don't feel ashamed for being a part of a generation that is religiously attached to their phones or can't decide between Valenica or Lo-Fi on Instagram, but sometimes I wish I valued myself more as a REAL person rather than just another profile on a social media platform.

When Tamar asked me how I felt after the conversation, I went numb. No, not even. I was already numb the minute it started. I remember it perfectly. Well duh, I remember it perfectly, the conversation was literally just last night. My hands were clasped together, my right thumb was running against my lips, and I felt my eyes getting bloodshot because I was holding back the tears. I wasn't sad. Those tears...they were tears of realization. I realized that I have to do more with my life.

Can I help it though? All of my flaws were spread out on the table, but not because anyone wanted to make me feel bad about myself; they wanted me to appreciate myself. Me being a lazy person (yes I can be lazy, get over it) sometimes is the reason why I can't live to my full potential. Example. I love to talk and make people laugh and have my voice heard, so why don't I start a YouTube channel? Or a blog? Is it because of the fear of failure? The feeling of embarrassment? The potential laughs and pointed fingers I might get? You know what? Yeah, that could be it. But even if it is why do I care? Why should I care?

I value a good opinion, that just comes with being human and living this life. I think arrogance takes major play if you blow off any piece of criticism that you receive, but at a certain point, at the end of the day, since the day you were born, you live your life for YOU. If I was supposed to live my life for someone else, why am I me? Have you ever asked yourself that? Why am I supposed to be independent if all the world expects me to do is be dependent? It doesn't make sense. Then again, the world itself doesn't make sense. See, I just answered my own question. I asked why something didn't make sense and I figured it out within seconds because I knew that the answer was my question. Why doesn't it make sense? Because it doesn't make sense. Someone who I won't name once told me, you don't always need to elaborate why, the elaboration itself is simply where you first started...why.

I do not one bit hate the world for always surprising me with the unknown. And that's what Tamar helped me see last night. I don't need to be afraid of things I have not yet come face to face with. I should be afraid of not being excited for the unexpected. I don't always want the answer, even if at times I might think that I do. Life is full of surprises and yeah I know those five words have been said verbatim everywhere. A song, a show, a movie, a story, maybe even escaped from someone's lips, but you know what? I'm 18 years old and I'm still young and I'm still ready for surprises. Don't fight the unknown just so you can ignite the expected.

Tamar, if you read this or not, I just want you to know, thank you. Thank you for catching me in my most vulnerable moment. Thank you for putting me there. Thank you for making me stay there. Thank you for making me listen. Thank you for making me appreciate myself. Thank you for the honesty and thank you for not sugar coating the truth. You opened my eyes and you numbed my mind. You numbed it to the point where I could feel everything. Ironic I know. Ironic but whimsically true.

Last night was the first time that I broke that wall. Last night was the first time I let my pride take a break. Last night I allowed life to open my eyes. Last night I wasn't opinionated and I wasn't stubborn. I was real.

Thank you sis for the real talk.