"I've found that growing up means being honest. About what I want. What I need. What I feel. Who I am." - Epiphany

In a few short days, I will entering into the first year of my twenties. I think about my past as a child, as a teenager, and I think about how much I have grown in my years. As a child, I did not understand the meaning of life or what I wanted in it. The same goes for my teenage years. I went to school like any other teenager, learning and studying, but never actually striving for something that I really wanted. I always knew I wanted to write but I wasn't sure how I was able to make it as that.

As a child, I grew up with a community that was so diverse, however; on Sundays, I would hang out with the Asian community in my church. Most of the parents and the elderly had the mindset of their child being smart in math and science. For me, I hated those things. I loved reading and writing. There was also the case of musical instruments. Most Asian children were brought up to play fluently in the piano or violin. I never wanted to do any of those things but I had to choose something related to music. So I chose to do ballet and play the flute. The flute was also something that a lot of Asians played and I enrolled into a Chinese dance school. I enjoyed it... at first. As time went by, as I started to get older, I realized that my passion was not in for music (though I do love to sing and act) or for ballet. It was in for writing.

At first, when I told my family I wanted to be a writer, they were uncertain, especially one of my aunts. She had the mindset like those Asian parents at my church who wanted their child to be smart in math and science. She wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor or someone who could make a lot of money. I didn't want that. For years, I struggled to keep the desire of having that writing dream in me. For years, I tried to perfect myself in math and science but it never worked. I could ace a math test but I would fail on a science test. I hated them both with a passion.

Entering into my teenage years, going into high school, I still struggled to the best of my abilities. Every one of my Asian friends were already getting started on practicing for the SATs and visiting colleges already. I really didn't know what college I wanted to go to. I didn't grow up having a lot of money so I didn't want the most expensive/prestigious college out there. I didn't want a name brand school like UGA or Georgia Tech. I just wanted to go to a college and get a degree in something with writing. I kept on receiving emails and letters from different universities from all over the US, even from out of the country as well. The first thing that I checked, looking through all of them, was their tuition and cost. Writing wasn't a specific degree though. It was under the English Department. That was when I decided to be an English major, though I wasn't sure what college I wanted to go to.

Colleges look at many different aspects. I knew I had to at least have a good SAT or ACT score so I took them three times. While my other friends could take them once and make a great score, I had to take it three times in order to better myself. I had to study so much more harder than anyone else but still, I couldn't get a perfect score. But I did try to press on any further because math and science were nothing that I wanted to do. In one of the college letters, I received an application for Brenau University. I asked around my high school about it. My theatre teacher said it was an amazing place. Sure, the cost was expensive but it was a small school and I felt like I could really fit in there. So I applied and got a bunch of scholarships from there. In the end, that was where I chose to go for college.

When I started my first year of college, it was such an amazing experience. I met really cool people, joined a sorority, and had a comfortable work environment. But like any other people, I struggled with procrastination and be lazy. My grades dropped and I realized that in order to get my degree in English, I had to do well in school. I had to get good grades. I had other problems as well. My grandmother needed help in her house with my great-grandmother. It was hard leaving because of that. I also didn't have a lot of money either. I have always had this bad habit of not budgeting every time I would get paid but I saved a lot while in school to pay for my sorority dues or for school tuition. I never wanted my grandmother to spend so much money on me. I owe so much to her already. So I had to decide whether or not to stay at Brenau or transfer to a different school.

In the end, I decided that I had to transfer to a different school. I originally had picked Georgia State University to be my number one transfer school but my paperwork got lost and I wasn't about to waste any time going back and forth between their Admission's Office. I had my best friends at the University of West Georgia who were telling me to go there. So I applied there and was able to get ALL of my paperwork in within a week. It was official. I had successfully transferred to a new school for my second year of college. This time, it was better. I could relax a bit more because I didn't have to worry about paying so much. I still had to work hard to study and get my grades back up. I'm doing a lot better now.

I no longer care for the Asian stereotypes of being a doctor, lawyer, or someone rich. I am Asian but I am not like other Asians. I'm being honest with my life. I am perfectly content in what I want to study. I care about myself. I know what I want in my life. I want writing. I want to read. I want to write. I want to publish my own books someday. I want to work in a journalist office. I know who I am. Although there may be people or situations that may bring me down, I will overcome that and strive to be who I want to be. To be the person I want to become. A writer who is content with her life.