College is a beautiful time. You're growing and learning. You're crying and fumbling. It's a true fake it until you make it situation for those four years. We are quickly approaching the hardest time of year. The semester has slipped away, and now you're staring at a pile of books and assignments so high it has created its own ecosystem. Welcome to hell week, ladies and gentlemen. Pick up your pencils and fill in those Scantrons. Here are twelve ways I know it's about time for finals.
1. New students miraculously appear in class. I promise that I have never seen that attractive sweater-wearing boy ever in this class. I would have remembered.
2. Crying a few times a day becomes normal. We buy waterproof makeup for a reason, ladies.
3. Caffeine is a food group. Do you think the nursing students could put it into an IV?
4. You finally found your professor's office and now you're begging to submit an assignment that was due in September. Every. Point. Matters.
5. Your browser history consists of jobs not requiring a degree, twenty four hour pizza delivery, and the answer to number twelve on your biology review.
6. You start to consider alternatives that are less than feasible. If I vomit on the final exam, do I have to complete it?
7. The new sweater boy from class smiled at you. You're crying again.
8. You regret every time you put off studying to watch RuPaul's Drag Race. You needed to know what Willam did!
9. You learned a lot from all those reality TV episodes. You consider dropping out to become a reality TV star. Practice a good crying face.
10. You're crying into your coffee. Now it's a salted mocha. Tasty.
11. Sweater boy showed up to take the final. Seriously, does he own any other shirts? It doesn't matter because you might have to marry him and be a trophy wife if you can't pass this class. At least you'd have the opportunity to improve his wardrobe.
12. You finish finals, turn in your last assignments, and spend the next two days ruminating over your answers.
We're all a bit of a mess, but we pull it together just enough to make it to the other side. Now, we can sit back and sip coffee from the comfort our parents' couches.
