If you ask around any college campus, you will find that it's rare to find people who are fully committed to each other. Instead you’ll hear phrases like “friends with benefits” or “we’re just talking." Drunk Friday and Saturday nights lead to one night stands or a few casual hangouts that turn into more. Well, I will admit, as a hopeless romantic I gave this so called hook-up culture a try because it seemed like the easiest route to finding a man. Unfortunately, I found out that by participating in this hook-up culture, you do not find men, you find boys--boys that are driven by sex, lust and most importantly, the delusion that a friendship could work with purely physical benefits. Now, this may be what a few girls are seeking in their lives right now, and I am not one to judge, but this is the complete opposite of what I am searching for. I want to find a man.
I want to find a man who is committed, loyal, thoughtful, loving and mature. To all the girls who are looking for something similar, I am sorry to tell you that hooking up will not find you a man like this. I do not yet have the exact answer as to what the correct way is, but I can tell you this: we are worth so much more than what we are settling for right now. I got sick of the hook-up culture because time after time, I left feeling worthless, not respected and most importantly, like I was not enough. I would become friends with these guys and begin to have feelings for them, care for them, be there for them when they needed me, etc., but repeatedly, they did not treat me the same; instead, I was ignored, pushed to the side and forgotten. These boys whom I would do a lot for, would do nothing for me if their lives depended on it--they even repaid me by blocking me on social media and other forms of communication, simply because I cared for them. Yet, I still remained their friends and continued to hangout with them whenever it was convenient for them. I realize now what a mistake that had been.
One of my good friends that I was involved with woke up one day and decided he was no longer going to text me, call me or hangout with me. He was just going to simply Snapchat me. (Before I continue with the story, reread that last sentence and really contemplate how silly it truly sounds. Does that sound like a man to you? Or does it sound like an immature boy?) It was that day that I realized I was tired of the games. I told him that if he wouldn’t text me, call me or hangout with me, I was done talking to him. He continued to do what he was already doing: sending me a few ridiculous pictures a day, pictures that only lasted about five seconds each. It was that day I realized that my self worth was more than just a few seconds a day. I deserve a man who will talk to me when it is convenient for him and even when it is hard. I deserve a man who is not afraid to make a commitment to me and who is ready to put forth time and effort. I can say with full confidence that this man was not for me, and I kind of laugh at myself for thinking so once upon a time.
Today, I have vowed to myself that I will not hook-up with another boy as long as my goal is to find a significant other. Physical touch is nice, I’ll admit, but nothing compares to when someone touches your heart. I have never had a boyfriend, nor has any boy touched my heart in my short lifetime, but I will remain a hopeless romantic, even amidst the hook-up culture that this generation supplies. I will no longer accept being treated like I am not good enough, because I am. And one day, maybe soon, a man will realize that too.
