“What's the plan for dinner tonight, babe?"
“I'm not sure, but I think Melanie wants to grab Chipotle with us!"
“What movie do you wanna see this weekend?"
“I'm not sure, but Steven was talking about all of us seeing the new 300!"
WHEN is enough FINALLY enough? I love my friends to death, don't get me wrong, but sometimes they can be total mood crushers. Trying to spend some alone time with a man of interest, but his (now our) best friend always wants to hang out with us. I'm one that loves to have my friends and significant other all be included whenever we hang out. This way, I never feel like I have to choose between one or the other, a typical problem when one of your friends enters into a relationship. After observing friends' relationships and reflecting on my own past experiences, I've realized that allowing the third wheel, while it may be inclusive and polite, often creates new issues.
When you enter into a relationship, make sure to do so gently. More often than not, one can quickly lose sight of close friendships, making the new love interest the sole apple of your eye.
Here, I wish we could all just listen to the wise words of the sobbing girl in Mean Girls, “I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and we'd all eat it and be happy." But sadly, juggling friends and relationships is more complicated than that: someone always hates vanilla.
On one hand, you could be thrilled about your new relationship. Say you met through mutual friends, have hung out with all of your friends together while getting to know one another, and you love that everyone can get along together. Yay! But slowly you begin to lose sight of your new boyfriend or girlfriend. You contract what I like to refer to as “buddy syndrome". This term is used to define the effect caused by increased time with your friends, and decreased time alone with your significant other.
The more time spent solely in group settings, causes you to treat and act like “just friends" around your significant other. The more common issue, when you lose sight of your dear friends because you're spending more time with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, also isn't the only issue. With that said, the solution to this issue should not just be an overload of friend/boyfriend/girlfriend time. This only leads to degeneration of intimacy. So where do we draw the line?
There's a perfect time division amongst all social situations. You have to find what works for you and everyone involved. You need time for your mom on the phone, time for just the boys or girls, time for all of your friends, and time for the significant other. Don't simply lump all of them as a makeshift solution to your obvious time management problem. Rome wasn't built in a day, and you may not have time to hang out with everyone you want in the settings you'd prefer. Roll with the punches and allot different people different time slots throughout your week so that everything doesn't overlap.
But then comes the ultimate question, what do you do about that one friend, most likely your best friend, who always insists that they want to hang out with you and your BF/GF?
“Oh, I don't mind I love you guys! I don't mind third wheeling."
Well, hey girl, maybe we want some time alone? Ever think of that? Okay you probably shouldn't be that blunt. But you do need to clearly draw the line of where your relationship deserves some private time. While you may both be great friends with your bestie, creating boundaries for time spent with different groups of people is key.
