Why You Should Think Twice Before Sharing The 'Trans Gamestop' Video

Why You Should Think Twice Before Sharing The 'Trans Gamestop' Video

Bigotry does not open the door to personal accountability but instead slams it shut towards nuanced discussions of individual situations.

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I haven't been able to avoid this video. You've probably already seen it, but if you haven't, I envy you. The video depicts a woman reacting to constant misgendering from a Gamestop employee by knocking down some Gamestop displays.

As someone whose gender identity falls underneath the transgender umbrella, I understand her feelings, 100%. It feels incredibly invalidating that I will probably never "pass," even with chest binding or possible hormone therapy. I will almost always be seen as a woman, even by my closest friends. The same friends that constantly invite me to "women-only" events, who tell me "you look so pretty in a dress though!" when I express discomfort informal outings due to dress codes.

This woman probably has had years of emotional torment, and purely based off of statistics, most likely years of physical torment as well. I feel her pain. I understand it, although I don't agree with the reaction towards it. But that's not the point. The point: People throw tantrums, yell at employees, etc. ALL THE TIME.

I've worked primarily in retail and hospitality positions, and I can assure you that this experience isn't exclusive to any single group of people. I have seen grown men lose their shit at a fast-food place because we ran out of cheese. I have seen old ladies rip apart their vocal chords to harass high-schoolers about expired coupons.

People are emotional. People are volatile. Emotionality is part of the human experience. No human being is 100% rational, even if they pretend to be. I can almost guarantee that you have had an emotionally inappropriate outburst in public before. I have.

I've had customers come into my place of work, curse me out, and act like complete demons. I've had customers start crying in the checkout line. These same customers apologize later and explain their outburst. "My kid's in the hospital." "My cancer is back." "I'm adjusting to new medication." "Someone I love just died."

I'll be blunt -- I don't know what the fuck goes on in other people's lives. I can know their reactions may be inappropriate for the situation, but I'm not so self-absorbed that I think my opinion on such reaction even matters. I've learned that most emotional reactions to any social interactions often have less to do with the present, but rather are reflections of their past experiences.

That recording easily could have been staged with the purpose of perpetuating transphobia. That goal is easy to understand -- "Look at this immature, irrational, delusional person! (It's pretty likely that we don't know the full story since the recording suspiciously started mid-interaction.) There's also a possibility that Gamestop employee could have been anxious about the situation and unsure of how to respond. (Fairly likely as well.)

It is important to recognize that a common tactic of oppression is emotional gaslighting. When you dismiss a group of people as "dramatic", "delusional", or "sensitive snowflakes", you are dismissing their legitimate concerns, as well as their entire existence.

What transpired in this video should not influence your opinions of transgender people. Even if the interaction involved discussions regarding her gender, that should have no bearing on your perceived legitimacy of her identity, or your overall perception regarding the validity of transgender people. Such generalization is incredibly harmful to marginalized communities and perpetuates the violence faced by transgender individuals, especially transgender women.

We all have bad days. We all do stupid shit sometimes. I have seen some of the most rational, emotionally stable people I know have meltdowns over football games and TV show finales. It is unfair to everyone uses an isolated experience to justify your transphobia.

Does any of this excuse any possible damage caused? Absolutely not. You can extend empathy for the intent, and still acknowledge the impact of actions taken. The two are not mutually exclusive (and should never be.)

Shifting the blame onto transgender individuals for their identity removes accountability instead of enforcing it. Bigotry does not open the door to personal accountability, but instead slams it shut, denouncing nuanced discussions regarding actions taken by individuals.

Before you share that video and denounce your closeted transgender friends, before you make a joke towards a community whose average life expectancy is 23 years, think about the impact of your words. The words that you use can cause significantly more damage than some random woman knocking stuff off a display shelf. The words that you use can contribute to the invalidation and fear transgender people -- people like her, people like me -- experience every day.

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The 20 Stages Of Instagram-Stalking Your Crush, As Told By 'Mean Girls'

Whether you love the presence of technology in your dating life or not, it's probably there.

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Far too often we wait for that follow request or Snapchat add to know that a boy is interested. We look to those notifications for validation of that mutual interest.

There is nothing quite like the freaking treasure trove that opens when a crush approves your follow request(or maybe you're silently looking if he is public). There is so much to do. This has now turned into an ~event~

All other priorities do. not. exist.

1. When he doesn't follow you back immediately

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Not mad, just disappointed. Actually, very mad. Seething, if you will. Honestly expected way more from Steve from Intro to Biology.

2. If he follows you first

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Hey! It's a little hard to see you down there since I'm ON CLOUD NINE RIGHT NOW!!! You text all your friends. These days, this is practically a marriage proposal. Time to start picking out wedding china? Can Vera Wang do this on such short notice?

3. If one of your friends also has a crush on him

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Sorry, Becky. Guess you'll just have to live with being a bridesmaid at our wedding.

4. If you don't follow him, but have a mutual friend who does: you ask them for screenshots

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He's private and you want to know what he is like without any consequences. You're just not ready to follow him yet, but you need some screenshots in your arsenal. This is case in point of why I should ABSOLUTELY not be considered a real adult for at least another five years.

5. Reading his bio

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The best thing it could be is just his name or school or maybe his frat. Or nothing if that is indicative of being a real live grownup who has a job(and I don't mean working at an IT start up your daddy found you). We don't really need an inspirational quote or something random that only two people understand. Your name is fine, thanks. Gentlemen, take a page out of Avril Lavigne's book and don't make everything so complicated.

6. Seeing how many followers he has

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This is something I don't really care about, but it can tell you a lot about the person. Like if they are a SoundCloud rapper trying to make it big and have clearly followed a ton of random people to try to get a follow back which has resulted in a sketchy follower-to-following ratio. If not, then they're probably normal.

7. Seeing how many photos he has

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There is nothing worse than thinking you are about to feast your eyes on all his photos only to discover that he has two photos and one is a group shot where his face is practically hidden. This will result in an hour of promising your friends that he is normal and good looking, despite what this feed might suggest.

8. Making sure he is not radiating jerk

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Saying "Saturdays are for the boys" is fine sometimes, but not every weekend. If he has more gym mirror selfies than the amount of Cosmopolitans Carrie Bradshaw has drank in her lifetime, it's time to move on. Unless you're working on a street corner, there is no need for you to be "just out here hustling/grinding."

9. Temptation to comment on a recent picture

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His hair looks really good! Or if he posts a picture of a party you saw him at this can be more tempting than buying cookies from Girl Scouts outside the grocery store. Resist, resist, resist.

10. Discovering you have a shared interest

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Oh my gosh, he went on spring break and you did too!! He went with ten friends to Panama City and you went home and ate Chinese food with your mom, but really, I don't see a difference there.

. 11. Stalking the most recent photo

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Is it with a girl? Is she prettier than you? If she commented an emoji it's freaking over. You sprint immediately to your closest grocery store and buy all the Ben and Jerry's.

12. Gathering of all the information

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Now we go into detective mode. Assuming at this stage that the dude actually had a decent amount of pictures, we now dig like Bob the Builder. We look for hobbies. We judge these hobbies. If you really like him, you concoct a plan to see how you can relate to these hobbies.

"Oh my gosh, I loveeeee fishing! I love it so much! Oh, you fish, you don't say? Look how much we have in common!"

13. Figuring out how close is he with his family

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Looking for how many times his parents surface on the IG. If you see he has siblings then if you are on a date one day you won't be trying to digest their names and ages, you'll already know. He will be blown away by your impeccable memory and interest in them.

14. Seeing something cool he did and becoming obsessed

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Maybe he studied abroad. All the heart eyes for the picture of him volunteering with Habitat for Humanity last April.

15. Pictures that make the world stop

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This might be him in a tux at a wedding with his grandma. It might be a swoon-worthy pic of him shirtless at the beach. It might be a picture of him and his wait for it… DOG and you die and blush and get so excited because you don't know what's cuter: him or the dog. These are the ones you screenshot for your friends.

16. All of a sudden it's been an hour

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You look at the clock, an hour has passed and you're in 2014. Great, now you know exactly what he wore to a middle school dance. Awesome!

17. When going into the tagged photos leads to being 3 people deep

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In tagged photos, you find previous girlfriends, and naturally, you have to stalk. Luckily, her account is public and you see that her best friend could easily be the next contestant on the Bachelor and probably win the whole thing. So you click on her profile and stalk her too. Then you see her boyfriend and look at his profile and feel genuinely hurt that you won't be getting an invite to their wedding.

18. Not blurting out everything the next time you see him

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You know you can absolutely NOT let on that you stalked him at all. Even though there were ten close calls, you did not accidentally like anything. Consider that a success. They should give out trophies for that. He doesn't need to know that you dropped your phone into the Oreo crumbs that were on your face at 2 a.m. As far as he knows, you simply approved his request and moved on with your life. If it comes up you should say "Oh, I didn't even remember we were friends on Instagram."

19. Crafting your first post with him being a follower

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It has to be hot, but it has to be effortless. You could do a selfie but you want him to know you have friends. But they can't look prettier than you. Should you be mysterious and post an artsy shot? Or post a travel throwback? *Books plane ticket to a cool destination just to take a pic he might like*

20. The first time he likes your post

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You feel like the definition of fabulous. A Snapchat is coming down the pike for sure. Ugh, how can you hate a culture and love it so much at the same time?

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5 Things Everyone Should Know When Making Self Love A Priority, As It Should Be

Basically, all you need is self love.

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Basically, all you need is self love. Self love should be your number one priority, so, here are things to know about self love.

1. Self love is not always easy.

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Although, self love should be self explanatory with the words alone, there may be some individuals out there who do not clearly understand the meaning because they have never been taught how to love themselves. The definition of self love is the love of oneself. In the beginning, loving oneself can be a hard process and doesn't happen overnight. Acquiring self love can take months, years, or even a person's entire lifetime to develop. However, once a person finds self love they will realize what they have been missing their entire life.

2. Accepting yourself, it’s truly ok to be different.

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The very first thing that you need to learn about self love, is to accept your flaws which can be difficult for some people in the beginning. But what you have to look at and understand is that those little imperfections makes you who you are. Everyone in this world is beautiful and handsome in their own way, and it's really okay to be different because in a world full of Cheerios, it's boring, so why not spice it up by being a fruit loop instead.

3. Practicing self care.

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Practicing self care, how do we get there? Self care is essential to preserving your own mental health. When you are feeling down and out about yourself or the negative things in society that may be affecting you, here are some tips to practice self care:

  • Remove yourself from negative environments
  • Avoid individuals who causes stress
  • Take breaks from electronics and social media
  • Meditate to strengthen your mind
  • Try painting or drawing to relax your mind
  • Try listening to music / dancing
  • Take a break and go outside to get some fresh air
  • Go on a little shopping spree and treat yourself on occasions
  • Relax to scented candles
  • Try having a discussion with your family and/or friends

4. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.

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Many people have been programmed to believe that they need someone in their lives in order for them to be happy, which is not accurate. To be honest, you don't need anyone else, you only need yourself. As my mother always used to say "You have to love yourself first, before you can love someone else," and she's right. Until a person truly understands what it means to make themselves a first priority before searching for a partner then they will struggle with self love. The reason I say this is because if you don't love yourself then how will you know how to love someone else? That is the million dollar question.

5. Knowing your worth.

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The golden rule is "Knowing your worth is key to loving yourself." If a person have confidence in themselves then their self-esteem will be higher. If self-esteem is present then they will not allow other people to treat them in a negative manner. Therefore, they are practicing self care/self love.

I want you to make it your number one priority to find your self love, then go out there in the world and love. One day you will find your soulmate who will cherish you for who you are, and they will love your imperfections as much as they love you. Otherwise, don't settle and certainly don't accept anyone who doesn't respect you because your life is a precious gift and should be treated as such.

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