I've always been the "quiet" girl. You could say I was born quiet, actually. I gathered a reputation over time where people were automatically wary of my silent demeanor. For example, some assume I'm quiet because I hate them, even when meeting them for the first time. People assume I have low self-esteem or no communication skills. Then there're others who think that just because I don't use my voice as much, I can't "speak up."
Despite all of these assumptions, other people have told me that I'm kind, friendly, and can hold a conversation pretty well. I have had a couple of jobs where I've had to raise my voice, whether to yell "Next!" to a person waiting in line or yelling to the back of a restaurant for some help up front.
So what gives?
Here are four misconceptions about quiet people, debunked:
1. We hate talking.
While this is true for some people, it isn't true for all of us. Personally, I love to sit down and have a nice conversation or a friendly debate. It's the "small talk" that I hate, because it's mostly people attempting to bring us out of our shells. Give us something deeper to talk about (like our career goals and ambitions) other than the weather, and we won't shut up.
2. When we don't talk to you, that means we don't like you.
I first experienced this my freshman year of high school. I was in band, and the first practice we had I was sitting with my section and learned that some of the older girls thought I didn't like them. Why? Because I didn't talk to them that much. If I don't talk to you, it's because I don't really have that much to talk about with you, yet. Don't take it personally if I don't greet you with a firm grip handshake and tell you my life story the first time we meet.
3. You have to "watch out" for us.
I've heard this a couple of times growing up, mostly from other adults talking to my mom. No, the quiet child is not going to grow up to be the wild child. However, this saying can also mean something else from peers, and to that I say: No, the quiet friend is not going to be the tattletale or the backstabber.
4. We lack self-confidence and social skills.
Most people assume upon first meeting me, that I need a little "coaxing" to come out of my shell. What they don't realize is that I'm already out of my shell, now I just need to be comfortable enough to truly flex my wings. The most confident person can be the most silent, but you'd never know unless you keep pushing that silent person into how you want them to be.
Also, even if we don't socialize much with you, doesn't mean we have people that we do talk to on a daily basis. Yes, my current circle of close friends is small, but my acquaintances are many. You don't have to talk every single day to be a good friend.
