1. Don’t drink and drive. Obviously. Even if you’ve only had a little bit, or you’ve done it a million times, or whatever, it isn’t worth the risk. Nothing worse than going from having a great time, to dying.
  2. Do not text your ex. Do not do it. Don’t. You’re not thinking straight, and that is gonna churn out a poor result from sending that text, or that snap, or, if you’re feeling brave, calling. If you’re going to try to patch things up, wait until tomorrow, when you’re sober and can actually think about what you’re saying.
  3. Do not keep going. You’ve already had a good amount, if you’ve reached this point, and there’s probably still a good amount of feeling headed your way, it just hasn’t hit you yet. Plus, you’re already pretty much where you need to be, so save a little for next time.
  4. I know that you didn’t listen to me in 3, so pay attention now. Do not forget to eat. Or drink water. You’re going to need something to soak up all those drinks your pumped down your gullet, so make sure you eat something and drink some water.
  5. Don’t refuse help because of pride. If people are offering, and willing to take care of you, let them. I understand, you’re a bit embarrassed that your tolerance isn’t higher, but that doesn’t matter right now. You’re about to throw up, and you need a friend to rub your back and maybe hold your hair while you pay for the decisions you’ve made in the last few hours.
  6. Don’t fight with anyone. Just don’t do it.
  7. Don’t go to bed without a bucket to throw up in when you inevitably wake up again in a couple hours and don’t have the time to make it to the toilet. There are few sights prettier than one of an empty bucket waiting for you next to your bed, or couch, or patch of ground you’re sleeping on.
  8. Don’t fall asleep without at least two bottles of water next to where you’re sleeping. These will be a huge part of your hangover-kit. As soon as you wake up, start cleaning your insides out by pumping both of those down. I mean, what’s worse? The pain, or the hangover? Let’s not have to find out.
  9. Finally, don’t forget to have a good time. Life’s short, so have fun while you can.