I know this past weekend was Mother's Day, and I'm happy and thankful to have an awesome mom and mother-in-laws that I was able to give that special attention to. However, a few extra women made my list to honor this year: the second moms. The women in my life who were my second moms were other moms with other kids, yet they took the time out of their busy lives to invest in me. I would not be where I am today without their tough love and encouragement.
They are women in your life who have caused you to become the person you are today, whether that means they took a hand in raising you, or they take care of you as a grown adult. You may not have been counted as a dependent on their taxes, but they supported you emotionally, mentally, physically, and maybe even financially. Either way, there are a few things we need to thank our second mom's for.
1. Feeding you.
When you read that, someone specific popped into your mind. I know for me there were several moms that gave me food because for some reason I was over at their house a large amount of time, and they always made sure that I was fed before I left. A few of them figured out little idiosyncrasies about my diet, such as I drink strong black coffee first thing in the morning (usually 6:30 AM) or that I love chunky guacamole (who doesn't?), or that the way to my heart is via blueberry Toaster Strudels. They never asked for repayment, nor did they complain that I have the appetite of a bear. No matter when I was with them, they always made sure that my belly was full.
2. Talking to you about things you didn't want to talk to your real mom about.
Face it: there are some things that make us go blood red if we have to talk to our parents about, but at the same time we also need mature adult feedback for. Here come the second moms. They're really good for having open and honest dialogue with, without judgment or fear. They don't get embarrassed or ashamed, but rather they give good solid advice for your benefit. Your own mom has probably done it for someone else out there, too.
3. Mentoring you.
Maybe you've got a second mom at your job or as a former teacher. They can tell you your strengths and help you hone the skills to make you a successful adult, and encourage you to get back up on your feet when you fall because they know you will; they've been there and done that. My mom is definitely my biggest fan, but I have second moms behind me who have been through my struggle and can help me understand things that my mom doesn't know because she's never done. My second moms let me see what's on the other side of the struggle and are a great example for what I want my career and life to look like post-graduation.
4. Giving you tough advice.
Sometimes you just don't listen to your parents, or your parents don't give you the advice you need to hear. But second mom's don't need you to listen; they care about you, but you're not their child, so advice from them cuts and it cuts deep. They don't spare your feelings and they don't need you to love them if they say something that makes you frosty, which is why they're great. They can tell you the tough things that you don't want to hear without all of the drama. They're invested in you, but you didn't come out of the birth canal, so it's different.
5. Encouraging you.
There are times where your mom is not accessible- these are where the second moms come in for you. Whether it's a quick prayer or just a small reminder that today is not the worst day, second moms swoop in with a big ol' dose of encouragement to keep you going. They're always there to give you a breath of fresh air when you least expect it, but need it the most.
So if you just read this, go call your second mom or moms. Do something nice for her. She may not have given birth to you but you still mean more to her than you know. And if you can't think of a second mom, go find one. They're one of the most rewarding relationships you can cultivate.
Happy (late) Mother's Day, second moms.
