I have yet to master this thing known as adulthood. In fact, I have made countless errors on account of inexperience and stupidity understandable ignorance. Still, I remain (tentatively) optimistic in spite of the circumstances. (Please tell me, when they figure out how to get aging to go in reverse.) Regardless, here are the nuggets of wisdom I shall now pass on to you. Never:
Take a job that pays less than minimum wage.
I committed this folly not once, but twice! Why? I have no clue. I think it was some strange mixture of urgency and desperation. But both jobs sucked and were totally not worth it.
Date a guy on J-date.
In my defense, he looked totally normal and cute in his profile pic. How was I supposed to know he was weird?!
Agree with something I disagree with.
"I love that movie!"
"Yeah me, too." No, I don't.
"I think she sucks."
"Totally." She's actually really sweet.
"Don't you agree with everything I say?"
(Nods quietly) No, come on! Grow a pair!
Send an email to a professor without editing it.
My English professor thinks I'm an illiterate idiot with the same IQ as a mouse.
Wear heels while walking to/from Penn station.
I'm strutting along, looking fab in my brand new wedges. Then out of nowhere, I fall. Just fall right on the hard as rock concrete, rip my tights, skin my knee, and twist my ankle all in one go. Yup, that's talent!
Pull an all-nighter.
I had five weeks --five!-- to write that stupid seven-page paper! Why didn't I? Curse my ultimate laziness and mad procrastination skills! I hate myself right now.
Sleep before class after an all-nighter.
I'm running late to class, tired as hell, and look like seal poop. Worst yet: I may not hand in that stupid paper on time! Ugh, where are those stupid heels?!
More to come.... (I'm sure of it!)
