We don’t know each other yet, but I know that I love the idea of you. Let’s not get too sappy, but in the back of my mind, I kinda think about you. I’m too immersed in the process of setting up my future that you sometimes pop into my head as an incentive to continue.

I guess I have to tell you a little about myself as if you don't already know. I’m currently listening to the 'Essential Indie' playlist on Spotify because I think I’m cool. I enjoy working, but I especially enjoy just talking with people that matter most to me. I used to hate the color yellow, but I’ve been pretty sad lately and it’s helped brighten my mood. Well, at least for a little while.

I hope to play catch or baseball with you. I can’t tell you how much I love baseball. I’ve been a diehard Cubs fan ever since I can remember, even during their 100-game losing streak. Painting makes me happy. I guess only because I feel like my life is slowly falling apart and improving at the same time; it only makes sense to try and bring some beauty into the world. When we meet, I want you to know that I don’t need you to fix my problems; I want the satisfaction of tackling my deepest problems. The only thing I need from you is you.

I like to say that I am a regular watcher of popular shows on TV, but the truth is I am horrible at keeping up with all of it. I sit down to watch something and my attention is diverted to things I find more important. However, I’m proud to say that I finished Bojack Horseman in a month. Sometimes I write poetry. Not long or structured, and mainly just in my head. If I happen to think of a phrase or line, I never write it down or say it out loud because it loses all beauty and meaning to me. My conscience is my lover, but I wouldn’t mind sharing it with you, too. I am not a romantic person.

Yes, I may be writing a million little facts about myself that I hope you love, but I will not be an Instagram girlfriend. I will not serve you. I will not coddle you. That doesn’t mean I won’t love you as much, if not more, than any girl you’ve been with. I refuse to abandon my views and work ethic for a man.

My favorite parts of myself are my mind, cheekbones, nose, and skin. My mind, for obvious reasons, is me. It is all of me. No matter what I look like when I’m older, my mind will still be there. So when you fall for me, I hope one of the first things you fall for is my mind. I love my cheekbones because they define my face perfectly. I’ve never had to bother with “contouring” because God did that for me. I love my nose because it reminds me of my grandmother. I miss my nana a lot and looking in the mirror is like looking at her.

I’ll probably cry when I tell you this in person, be prepared. I love my skin because, unlike what people believe of the eyes, it’s the true window to the soul. I’ve gone to great lengths to keep my skin healthy. I wash it every morning and night with volcanic clay face wash and I put grapeseed oil on my eyelids at night to control oil production. It’s getting more difficult for me, though. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with PCOS. It’s hard to control my weight and skin, but I’m luckier than most. I work out (fun fact: I can deadlift 450 pounds) and my skin is a lot clearer than it had been. For some time, I had trouble loving myself because I’m heavier and I never thought that I was as pretty as other girls.

That doesn’t matter as much to me now; not because I’ve lost weight or grown into my looks, but because it really doesn’t matter how pretty or ugly you are; all that matters is if you’ve made a difference in someone else’s life.

I’ve always dreamt of meeting you in college. Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard of the “Mrs.” degree, but it was never like that for me. I have no desire to leech off of another person when I am completely capable of leeching off my own paycheck. Still, making memories like the ones I’m going to make would honestly feel better made with you by my side.

I never really dated in high school. No one was up to my standards except for two people. I don’t want to meet you on Tinder, especially since I won’t even bother to make an account. I won’t get specific with the Cinderella details of when we meet, but I’ve picked out two outfits I’d wear. A white shirt with my blue pajama pants or my Hello Kitty sweater and shorts. I will not compromise.

I didn’t bother asking you anything about yourself because this is just a letter to myself. Just as you will have to work for all this information, I’ll do the same. I see this all as a huge crossword puzzle… although I’m not an expert at crossword puzzles (don’t you dare judge me). I hope you can handle me. I can’t wait to meet you.