A while ago, I came across a notebook full of reminders my younger self-wrote to my older self. Aside from a few memorable suggestions about teachers, I needed to hate "forever" and three page long reviews of the Pokemon movie that came out that year, the reminders were actually pretty useful. They reminded me of a time when I was able to be young and carefree. But they also got me thinking - what would I tell my younger self if I could? Especially pre-teen me, because she was a mess. And so, I wrote this list.
Here are ten things I want my younger self to know.
1. Stop caring so much.
Really. No one wants to watch you fail. And you are making yourself miserable by worrying so much. Take a deep breath, remember what it was like to be five years old and carefree, and let it go.
2. Stop being so angsty.
I know you are a pre-teen, and I know all of the books you are reading right now feature protagonists who are ridiculously angsty, so being angsty is, like, your top priority. But honestly, it's not cool. Again, it's one of those things that's just making you miserable, and you're going to be better off NOT trying to out-angst every other teenager you meet.
3. It’s OK to not be OK.
You don't have to pretend to be okay 24/7. It's okay to admit you need help. It's okay to admit you're sad or tired or scared. I'll even let you in on a little secret - all of your peers are sad and tired and scared too. You're not in this alone, and it's okay to admit it.
4. Your parents love you.
I know. They're strict. They expect a lot out of you and sometimes that pressure feels insurmountable. I promise you, they're doing it because they love you. They expect so much because they know you are capable of it, and I can assure you, they don't realize that the pressure is as bad as it is. Talk to them. Tell them that the pressure is too much and they will stop. They'll still expect a lot, and you'll want them to, but they are people too, and sometimes they don't realize they're making mistakes.
5. Don’t be ashamed of the things you like.
Be proud of the things you enjoy. Stop trying to hide them behind things you think are cooler or more exciting. The things you like are cool and exciting and your friends will just be happy you've found something you enjoy. They like weird things too, its okay. You're all doing your best.
6. You can’t fix everyone.
Stop trying.
7. You don’t need everyone to like you.
Trust me. I understand the appeal. But really, you are never going to please everyone, and that's okay too. It's not your job to make everyone happy. You have people who love you, and they are going to love you, continually, even when you fall and make mistakes and don't know what's going on.
8. Tell someone about you anxiety and depression.
I guess this kind of goes along with not being okay 24/7, but it needs a point of its own. Let people help you! Tell someone you are suffering and they will do everything in their power to fix it.
9. You don’t need to be “the best” at everything.
I know you want to excel at everything. I know you want to prove that you can do it all. But there are things that you will just never be good at - academically or otherwise - and it's okay to admit to that.
10. Just do your best.
The people who matter in your life are going to see that, and they are going to be proud of you.
