23 Things To Say To Get Your Dutch Bros Barista Out Of Your Car

23 Things To Say To Get Your Dutch Bros Barista Out Of Your Car

If you find your Broista too invasive, hit them with one of these.


I've come to find that the average Joe dislikes Dutch Bros culture. I don't know about you, but I find their energy refreshing. It's like a cup of coffee before my coffee!

However, some people cringe at the thought of visiting this popular coffee stand due to its reputation of being "overzealous." A common meme circulating the interwebs depicts a Broista jumping into their customer's car to see "what everyone's doing today." You know the one.

If you want to prevent your local Dutch Bros bro from asking you too many questions about your life, just him with one of these:

1. "I just watched Shrek 2 and I have the weirdest boner right now"

2. "I'm pretty old fashioned but I still believe in capital punishment"

3. Hand them "The Book of Mormon"

4. Order your coffee extra hot and say, "I don't even care if you burn your hand on that milk steamer"

5. Just vomit

6. Twitch your eye and say, "nothing, why? Who are you?"

7. "I'm going to our local Klan rally!"

8. "I ate some shrooms, so I'm just waiting for them to kick in."

9. "Just got back from jerkin' it at Fantasy Video"

Bonus points if someone else is in the car.

10. "You guys got any needles back there?"

Scratch your face for added effect.

11. "My third wife was biracial"

12. "I'm more concerned about the drones casting firebombs down from drones over the Columbia Valley in NW USA and burning our aged old forests so the mountainsides will be bald when the enemy enters the US to consume our country"

13. "I'm actually on my way to get an abortion right now"

14. "I'm meeting with my lawyer to discuss my divorce agreement"

Bonus points if you're clearly too young to be married, let alone divorced.

15. Just blow your vape smoke in their face

16. "I hope you step on a lego today"

17. "What are YOU guys doing today?"

Jump through their window.

18. "I came here to do two things! Suck some hard candy and suck some d***"

19. "I love your coffee because it's almost as good as the crack I do!"

20. Have a blow-up doll in the seat next to you

21. Spray yourself with Axe and don't stop during the whole transaction

22. Rub Vaseline on your hand and then cover with a glove. If they ask what you're doing, just let them know that your significant other prefers you to have moist hands. Definitely use the word moist. Never break eye contact.

23. Say anything regarding the Church of Scientology

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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