I've come to find that the average Joe dislikes Dutch Bros culture. I don't know about you, but I find their energy refreshing. It's like a cup of coffee before my coffee!
However, some people cringe at the thought of visiting this popular coffee stand due to its reputation of being "overzealous." A common meme circulating the interwebs depicts a Broista jumping into their customer's car to see "what everyone's doing today." You know the one.
If you want to prevent your local Dutch Bros bro from asking you too many questions about your life, just him with one of these:
1. "I just watched Shrek 2 and I have the weirdest boner right now"
2. "I'm pretty old fashioned but I still believe in capital punishment"
3. Hand them "The Book of Mormon"
4. Order your coffee extra hot and say, "I don't even care if you burn your hand on that milk steamer"
5. Just vomit
6. Twitch your eye and say, "nothing, why? Who are you?"
7. "I'm going to our local Klan rally!"
8. "I ate some shrooms, so I'm just waiting for them to kick in."
9. "Just got back from jerkin' it at Fantasy Video"
Bonus points if someone else is in the car.
10. "You guys got any needles back there?"
Scratch your face for added effect.
11. "My third wife was biracial"
12. "I'm more concerned about the drones casting firebombs down from drones over the Columbia Valley in NW USA and burning our aged old forests so the mountainsides will be bald when the enemy enters the US to consume our country"
13. "I'm actually on my way to get an abortion right now"
14. "I'm meeting with my lawyer to discuss my divorce agreement"
Bonus points if you're clearly too young to be married, let alone divorced.
15. Just blow your vape smoke in their face
16. "I hope you step on a lego today"
17. "What are YOU guys doing today?"
Jump through their window.