Struggling with anxiety and/or an anxiety based disorder is difficult, and being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t quite understand these mental illnesses can be even more frustrating.

I personally struggle with things like social anxiety, body dysmorphia, and bulimia nervosa, and recently got out of a very long term relationship with someone who did not understand how to help me with these illnesses. In no way was it his fault, but in a way, I wish he could have grasped the extent of my illnesses and tried harder to calm me down when I was suffering things like a panic attack.

That relationship ended months ago, and finally, I have found someone new. Within the first couple days of knowing him, I made sure he knew the extent of my mental illnesses. I told him if it bothers him in any way then we could go our separate ways. Luckily, however, he also has struggled with anxiety, and in a way, can understand me.

This relationship is his first actual relationship, so he isn’t exactly sure how to deal with things like panic attacks or shut downs, and I don’t expect him to. This is a huge commitment and as long as he’s trying, I will appreciate it.

This article is not only for him, but also other people whose significant others may struggle with anxiety or an anxiety based disorder.

Constant reassurance

I know it may be annoying, but it helps push negative thoughts out of my mind when someone reassures me everything’s OK.

Dealing with indecisiveness

I’m not sure if I’m the only one who does this, but I can never decide on plans because I’m always afraid it will affect someone else’s day plans. It makes a huge mess in my mind. For example, if someone were to ask me where I wanted to eat, I could never choose. I would always reply “I don’t know, you choose.” So please, if you see that I can’t make a decision, just decide for me. I won’t mind it whatsoever.

Doing simple tasks for them

I remember when I was younger, my dad would make me order my own food at restaurants. I would always get shaky and my palms would sweat. It’s not that bad today, but some days I can barely talk without worrying if I sound stupid. If I asked you to order something for me, or call a place for me, it’s not because I’m lazy, I’m just nervous.

Don’t take bad days personally

Some days I’m highly irritable or super sad about life, and I promise it’s not because of you. I’m never really sure what it is, but I can reassure you that you did absolutely nothing wrong.

Do not sweep my anxieties under the rug

Telling me just to calm down or acting like what I feel isn’t that big of a deal just adds on to the bad feelings. Please avoid this at all costs.

Just being there

This is a small thing but it’s a huge thing in the long run. Knowing someone is there for you in your time of need is such a great feeling, and it makes me feel safe and secure inside knowing you aren’t alone. Being there can be as simple as a text asking if I’m OK, or checking up on me occasionally.

The most important thing that someone dating another with a mental illness is that they are not all the same. Some individuals may cope differently than others, and although it may not be your job to figure out how to help them deal with it, it would be nice if you did.