I catch myself saying I’m the “perpetually single friend.” Like many other women, I find myself in a position of knowing exactly what I want out of life, and I have known for quite some time. Part of knowing what I want is being able to experience what it truly means to be in a meaningful relationship. But when you put yourself out there, drop your usual “type” to explore all options, and end up with nothing… it starts to seem impossible.

So we turn to our friends (single or not) and hope that we can just vent about our frustrations about what we’re doing wrong. We want you to tell us if there is a giant “UNDATEABLE” stamp on our forehead. Sometimes all we really want is some brutal honesty and feedback on what we need to do differently.

Here are four things to avoid saying to your single friend (if you are in/have been in a serious relationship):

1. “It will happen for you someday,” or "You have your whole life to find someone.”

As the “perpetually single friend,” we would appreciate it if for one moment you may place yourself in our shoes. We watch as all our friends have had serious relationships, whether it is past or current ones. From the sidelines, we’ve cheered you on with milestones or come to your aid when you've encountered hardships with your partner. We attempt to give you the best advice we can with little to no experience in that field. We sit back and listen as you talk about the details of your love life, your future travel plans, and relentless amount of #MCM or #WCW you post of one another. We spend nights alone while you have date nights with details to follow the next morning. We know what colors you plan to have us wear at your potential wedding and what state we might find you living in together. We watch as you exude happiness from the love you share and lessons you have learned from your past love(s). And on most days, we find ourselves hoping that we could finally experience it, too.

Your efforts as our friend are very much appreciated. We love that you attempt to steer us toward an optimistic approach from our relatively pessimistic “future cat lady” outlook. Whether this is said with actual hope for us or a little white lie just to help us get by, it’s the thought that counts. But it drives us crazy when it is something we want and are ready for now.

2. “Stop trying so hard.” // "It sounds like you want a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend."

*Cue eye roll* Your friend is coming to you because she wants you to help her through something that is clearly bothering her. You might as well have said, “F*#k off.” This is something we want, and no matter what we do, things just don’t seem to be in our favor in this area of our lives. We know what we want, and like anything you want in life, you have to work for it. The reality is that not everything we work for is successful. We’ve exhausted our options, and now we’re just down in the dumps. Please don't kick us down even more.

3. “Enjoy your single life while you can!”

Been there, done that: It’s called college. It’s the first two years of terrible mistakes that make great stories later on in life. But when things progress into the later years of college, we sit wishing we were no longer the girl who gets a 1 a.m. booty call from a drunken d-bag stumbling home from Mad River. That was fun in the initial phase of college when you are trying to grasp all that college has to offer, but that dies quickly as soon as the self-loathing kicks in. We question why we’re unable to escape the hookup scene and find a guy who’s more interested in us as a whole. We’ve lived the life you’ve most likely managed to pass over, or that was maybe short-lived. Being stuck in a lifestyle that is far from desirable can take its toll on someone who doesn’t want to remain there.

4. “I wish I were single; it was so much fun.”

Just don’t. As the saying goes, "We all want what we can't have." Yes, some of us single girls are trapped in that zone we don’t want to be in. We want someone who wants to be with us instead of the constant manipulation to get with us only to be crushed by the dreaded "I'm not looking for anything serious." Here’s the deal: You have something we single girls wish we had, but we do not have any other option. You have the choice to be single. Do not throw in our faces that you wish you could be single, because you could be if you so pleased. You are in the position to actually choose what you want; we do not have that luxury.

I hope that, in all, if your friend ever comes to you about how she is upset about being single, you are able to avoid these lame phrases. Sometimes the best remedy is to let us weep in our single sorrows, bring over a bottle of cheap moscato and high calorie munchies, and just be there for us.