It doesn't take much to make me feel awkward. I become uncomfortable quite easily so as you can imagine I experience a lot of situations that I would rather avoid. I once sprinted across a street away from an ex, not because the break up was a bad one, but rather because I was overcome with such awkwardness and nerves that I thought I would quite possibly spontaneously combust if I didn't remove myself from the situation immediately. To make matters worse, I also have an awful tendency to smile or laugh when I become uncomfortable. And let me tell you, there is no scarier sound in this world than panicked laughter.

Here’s a list of things that make me most uncomfortable.

1. Human contact of any kind.

I would rather saw my left arm off than call the dentist’s office to make an appointment. If I’m home alone and someone rings the doorbell I immediately go hide in my house.

2. People who don't put milk in their cereal.

If you are one of these people you are a monster

3. People who don't put salad dressing on their salads.

Please see above.

4. People who like honeydew melon.

Honeydew melon is the spawn of Satan in fruit form.

5. Watching the presidential debates.

Watching this election season’s presidential debates was like watching a trainwreck that I couldn’t bring myself to look away from.

6. Witnessing someone else in an uncomfortable situation.

I get such strong secondhand uncomfortableness from even just being in close proximity to something happening to another person. Once I happened to be in the room when two of my roommates got into an argument and I wanted to slowly sink into the floor and disappear forever.

7. Confrontation about something I did wrong.

If I got into a car accident and it was my fault I would probably throw up on the other person I'd be so beside myself.

8. The fact that I’m graduating this year.

9. Realizing that I just responded to someone who was not talking to me in the slightest.

This one happens far too often so at this point I need to learn to contain myself. Just the other day I was leaving CVS when a young man nearby called out to me "hey, how's it going?" I called back, "good, thanks!" before realizing that the guy was on the phone and was in no way shape or form engaging me in conversation. I don't think I've ever gotten into my car so fast.

10. Whenever I remember that a pumpkin I kept in my room sophomore year moved inexplicably from the windowsill to my desk and no one I asked would admit to having moved it.

This memory will haunt me until the day I die.

11. Classroom presentations.

I probably shouldn't include this one on the list, lest future potential employers read this and decide not to hire me because public speaking is an important skill and it scares the living hell out of me. But I'm including it anyway because presenting makes me so anxious that my voice shakes, my palms become a sweaty mess, and I fidget and pray for it to be over the entire time.

12. When someone else is giving a classroom presentation and makes prolonged eye contact with me throughout the entire thing.

It’s disconcerting to say the least.

13. Having to ask other people for favors.

14. Saying no when other people ask me for favors.

I am yes man in real life. I am physically incapable of saying no if someone asks for a ride or help unpacking or answers for a homework assignment or for my heart for a heart transplant. Even if I'm busy or tired or stressed I hate letting people down so I will muster up the strength to help you in your time of need.

15. When everyone rushes over to someone walking their dog and kneels down to coo over it and pet it whilst I hover awkwardly next to the dog-owner keeping my distance.

I promise I am not a dog hater I think they are precious, adorable creatures; I just don’t like touching stranger’s dogs.