I was born and raised in the middle of nowhere in West Tennessee. Pulling over for funerals and being stuck behind farm equipment is a norm for me. Last week my family and I went to Missouri to celebrate my cousin’s birthday. After the party, one of my cousin’s friends started asking me about living in the South and other things about Tennessee. Some things made me chuckle, and other things made me question where people get their information. Since I’m going back this weekend for the Fourth of July, I figured I would create for you all a list of some of the things my friends and I have been asked about living in Tennessee. I’m sure a lot of these can apply to anyone living in the South. I’ve also included some of my sassy and witty style for your enjoyment.
Do you know where *insert place here* is?
One of the first things people ask me when I tell them where I’m from is if I know where certain towns are. I’m pretty sure this one is just basic, awkward small-talk for new acquaintances. Sometimes I know the places people are talking about, but if it’s outside of West Tennessee, then I’m pretty clueless. People don’t realize that Tennessee is kind of like three smaller states. One time someone asked if I knew where Nashville was. Why yes, I do indeed know where my state’s capital is located. Insert internal eye roll here.
Do you know *insert name here*?
This one is another one I get a lot. It’s one thing if I’m from the same town as the person you’re asking about, but it’s another thing when you ask about someone from a town all the way across the state from me. I don’t know half of the people from my town of less than 5,000 people, so there’s a good chance I don’t know your brother’s neighbor’s friend’s dog from Knoxville. See the previous question.
Is everyone really that nice down there?
I love the fact that I live in a town where I don’t get looked at like a crazy person for politely smiling at someone I walk past. I get kind of offended whenever a guy doesn’t hold the door for me if he sees me behind him. I have to remind myself that saying “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir” above the Mason-Dixon line offends people and isn’t a sign of respect. This past spring when we had a crazy snow/ice storm, complete strangers helped me get my car back on the road because some clueless trucker didn’t know how to drive on ice (and that’s another story for another time). I wouldn’t go as far as to say that everyone is super nice, but I’m completely confident that you’d find someone willing to help you if you find yourself in a sticky situation down South.
Can everyone cook?
No, everyone cannot cook. However, some of the best food I’ve ever eaten in my 19 years of life has been cooked by my friends’ parents (my parents don't count because they're from Missouri). And I also have two words: Memphis barbeque.
Do you go to school?
Why, sure! Gotta make sure we know our three r’s: Readin’, Ritin’, and ‘Rithmetic. If you couldn’t hear the sarcasm dripping from my previous sentence, we do in fact go to school. We’re under the same national standards and laws that the rest of the country is under. There are quite a few intelligent people who come from the South. If you seriously think we don't do anything to further our knowledge, my question for you is: Do you go to school?
Do you have electricity?
Or running water? Or telephones? Or indoor bathrooms? We’re not Amish, people. However, there are quite a few Amish communities around where I live and go to school. We also have Internet. We even have Netflix. *gasp* Whenever I hear this question, I both mentally and physically roll my eyes.
Do you own anything other than plaid and cowboy boots?
This offends me. I have one plaid shirt, and I have never in my life worn a pair of cowboy boots. Come to think of it, the only time I see anyone wear cowboy boots is if they’re working a job that requires the appropriate footwear or the occasional pairing with a lacy dress. However, I don’t have anything against said combo. Stepping into the South isn’t like walking into a "Dukes of Hazzard" rerun. We can rock Converse and Chacos with the best of them.
Is everyone a redneck?
Define redneck. I don’t think I am, but others may disagree. Just because you know how to work hard doesn’t mean you’re a country hick. If you go jetskiing with heavy machinery in the middle of a mudhole, on the other hand, I think you might be getting there.
Why don’t the women do anything?
This one makes me mad when I hear it. There are very few women in my life who don’t do anything. A lot of the women I know work at least one job, and still find the time to raise families. And I absolutely believe that being a full-time mother is a job. Anyone who can keep a house spotless, wash countless loads of laundry, and make some of the best food known to man while simultaneously keeping small humans from killing each other is a superhero. And bonus points to single moms who do everything above. If you disagree with me, I suggest you go volunteer at a daycare for a few hours. I’ll supply the candy.
Why does everyone complain about the heat?
It’s not so much the heat as it is the humidity. In the summer it can reach the high 90s and even break the 100 degree mark. For those of you privileged enough to live in dry states, these temperatures don’t seem too hot. I agree. Now, picture this: You’ve spent half an hour trying to tame your wavy hair into falling straight. You finally clamp the last stubborn strand in between 360-degree ceramic plates, and your hair is finally straight. Once you make sure you’re presentable, you grab your purse, open your front door, and BAM! No amount of hairspray or anti-frizz mousse can prepare you for what lies ahead. Your hair goes from perfectly straight to Richard Simmons, post workout. Was that a little dramatic? Yes, but also very true. Southern humidity makes you feel like you’re walking through a sauna. And it’s not enjoyable. It’s also unbearable when trying to get yard work done. Sometimes it’s so humid I feel like I’m swimming to my car. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be Ariel from "The Little Mermaid."
There you have it. Ten things I hear a lot, being from the Volunteer State. I hope you realize that, for the most part, this article isn’t very serious. I just find these assumptions comical. If given the choice, I wouldn’t change where I’ve grown up.
I’m curious, what are some assumptions and misconceptions people make about where you’re from? And I hope y'all come down and see us sometime.
