In the past four years, I've watched many close people around me figure out how to live their life after a tough loss. Loss of a parent, friend, son, or mentor. This raises a lot of questions centered around God and faith. But not only that, it leads people to say things to their friends who are in need of comfort. And while they seem like the right things to say because we are at a loss of words, here's why I am a Christian but will never say these things to my friends in need of comfort.
1. It's all part of God's plan.
No. Just no. The problem with saying this, is that we are implying God creates the bad things and is choosing how we will suffer. And if God is good all the time, then how could He ever pick and choose who gets cancer, who dies in a car wreck, or fill in the blank with whatever applies. God is good all the time. We know this and we live by this. So no, someone getting cancer is not apart of His plan. Someone suffering from a heart attack or stroke is not apart of His plan. God mourns with us. Rejoices with us. God's "plan" for us is to live out our life on Earth, loving Him and our neighbors, and serving Him. He wants us to be happy and successful in whatever we do.
2. God needed another angel.
Again, no. If God is just deciding when He needs another angel, we should all be living in fear. This is again implying that God is creating bad in the world. And I imagine God can't wait for us to be sitting at His right hand, but He's not trying to rush the process. He wants us to live out our lives to the fullest here on Earth. Loving Him and each other to the best that we can and creating Heaven on Earth. He doesn't need any of us up there, He needs us down here doing His work.
3. They're in a better place now.
Okay I get it. They're now with Jesus in a world with no pain or suffering. But again, I struggle with this. Because right now, the best possible place for that person is here on Earth. Loving on their spouse, kids, grandkids, friends, and family. The best place for them is on Earth where they can live out God's hope for us.
4. You'll be re-united soon.
Umm I'm sorry but are you foreshadowing my death? I hope to not be reunited soon to my loved ones because I'm 19. I hope that it'll be a while before we are re-united. And it will be a marvelous day when we are re-united but I pray that it isn't soon.
And finally,
5. I understand.
No. Nope. Nada. Never. You don't. You may have gone through similar situations, but no you don't understand. You don't understand the exact feeling and pain because it's not your situation. You don't understand that one second everything is okay and the next second your world is falling apart. You simply don't understand the sleepless nights longing and wishing for everything to be fixed because everyone's situation is different. So instead of saying you understand, find other words of comfort because you don't understand.
So next time you're faced with a friend who is struggling with the loss of a loved one, sometimes it is better to just simply pray for them. Not to say anything but to show them that you are not leaving their side and that you will be there for them whenever they need it. Prayer is a powerful thing, don't forget that.
