For the past few months, I have been living in an apartment on my own for the first time. No dining halls to feed me, no one to do your laundry or scrub the toilet for you. I consider myself a very self sufficient person, most of my friends would call me the "mom of the group" without skipping a beat, but being the mom of the group pails in comparison to being one. The moment you leave home for real, you realize you have a long way to go before being as awesome at life as your mom. Here are a few things that moms just know, and we all have no idea how they acquired their knowledge. Do you magically acquire this knowledge when you give birth?! Teach me everything you know.
The nuances of laundry:
Who knew that you had to wash new towels several times over before they become as absorbent as other towels!? How much bleach should I use on my whites? *cue text to mom* If you somehow got a mixture of red wine, coffee, grass and volcanic ash all on one shirt, she would know how to get every stain out. How is a mystery.
How to clean literally everything using vinegar:
Here are some things that my mom has just told me vinegar can be used to clean: Dirty floors, washing machine, dishwasher, coffeemaker, silver, pewter, copper, brass, shower head, and windows. Gee thanks mom.
How to time cooking PERFECTLY:
Somehow, moms know exactly when to add the spinach to the stir fry such that the broccoli, which takes longer to cook, will be cooked when the spinach is added. They just know how much spaghetti or rice to add to the pot for the perfect amount of food to cook for five. They just know when the chicken is done but still juicy and perfect. Me? I just end up overcooking it, because, well, I don't want salmonella.
How to manage their time:
HOW are you managing to raise multiple children, drive them around to practices, listen to their problems and advice them, go to every rehearsal or game, AND have an incredibly successful career, all while being a cool person.
How to multitask:
I have seen my mother hug a crying child while folding laundry, while cooking dinner all while also being on the phone with her boss, holding an incredibly intelligent conversation. ALL AT ONCE. TEACH ME.
They know how to make you feel good:
Even on your worst day when you are utterly undeserving of any positive feedback whatsoever, they still compliment you.
In conclusion, thank you to all the moms out there. Keep being unreal. Hopefully one day I'll be as good at life as you.
