English majors are special kinds of people. Not everyone can read three books for two different classes in three weeks and write papers on them, but we can. We are the elite. We are the creme of the crop. We are the ones who can successfully BS a paper for a gen ed course in 45 minutes. We are the strong ones. Here are some things to not say to or ask an English major.
1. Do you ever get tired of reading?
If I let myself get tired of reading then I might change my mind, and it's way too late for that.
2. Do you know how to spell *insert word*?
Just no.
3. But you're an English major... Don't you know all words?
You're a math major, do you know all equations?
4. Can you edit my paper?
Sure... I'll take a look at it between all of my other reading.
5. What's your favorite book?
There's just too many to choose from.
6. Who's your favorite author?
You're basically asking me to choose a favorite parent (but between you and me, J. K. Rowling).
7. So you want to be a teacher?
Some of us do, but some of us don't. Stop generalizing.
8. But what are you going to do? Like as a job? Like for money?
Maybe I'll write, be a journalist, an office manager, or dictator of a small country -- the possibilities really are endless.
9. I would kill to have a class load as easy as you.
Yes, because writing papers every week and reading more books in a year than you have in your lifetime is so easy.
10. So do you hang out in hipster cafes and listen to indie music?
I might. Why don't you come to one and see for yourself?
11. Are you going to write a book?
Just don't
12. Wow, you're really brave to choose this major in this economy.
Thank you for that backhanded compliment... anything else about my life that you want to insult?
13. Are you obsessed with England?
I mean, come on. It's the birthplace of Shakespeare, Wordsworth, and J.K Rowling. What's not to love?
14. Do you have time for friends since you have to read all the time?
No. Books are my friends. The end.
