Regardless of what your college major is, there’s bound to be some silly perceptions people have about your major. In a world where people are as bold as ever, this will most likely lead to you being told or asked things you need (or want) to hear. Well English is no exception to that, so I've used my English major prowess to compose a list of what you just shouldn't dare utter to an English major.
8. English majors always look so mean
What? I kid you not this something many English majors joke about. After many thought provoking discussions and deep critical analyses we've come to the conclusion that we’re usually just deep in thought. Every subject requires its fair share of thinking but this in incredibly so with English. We’re constantly having to dig deeper, and deeper. And deeper and yes, deeper into our analysis until we can’t analyze no more! You try reading a paper where the train of thought ran right off page. Not fun.
7. English majors always have free time
We just seem like we always have free time for reasons I fail to understand. Since most of our time is spent reading and writing we (surprise surprise!), we tend to get better at finishing our assignments over time. Once an English major gets into that fantastic writer’s groove, there’s no stopping it. And if you try to, you’ll instantly regret that discussion. But before the groove kicks in, there’s quite a bit of time of staring at a blank Microsoft Word document (approximately three to five hours) contemplating how important this paper really is and sobbing mercilessly face down on your keyboard. No major is without struggle.
6. Have you read -insert title of mainstream book that’s a poor excuse for literature here-?
Umm no, because that disappointing No. 1 best seller is a slap in the face to writers everywhere. It should be donated to animal shelters across the U.S. to be used as doggy and kitty toilets. Most mainstream books are mainstream simply because they lack the merit of true works of literature. Fifty Shades of Foolishness and any bland coming of age YA novel (no tea, no shade ,John Green) are prime examples of this. If you ever consider approaching an English major with one of these “literary works” they will spontaneously combust from remembering the frustration of attempting to read that mess.
5. So you can help me with my paper? Cool!?
Not cool. Not cool at all. English majors have no problems when it comes to helping people out, but we’re well aware of the dangers. Usually helping someone with their paper means can you write my paper for me? No because, one, that’s plagiarism which is grounds for expulsion at every college and, two, I’m sure your professor will notice if you magically become a better writer overnight. Write your damn papers. Come to us when you’re ready for editing and suggestions for improvement. Be warned, English majors are used to critiques and have thicker skin than most. If you rage every time your professors critique you, steer clear of reaching out to your English major pals for help.
4. You guys take grammar so seriously!
I need a moment to breathe... No duh we take grammar seriously! Would you want a doctor who can’t read medical charts and writes in text lingo as your doctor? I think not. When we correct poor grammar, we are not doing so to imitate the Third Reich. Here’s little fun fact! The Jews were constantly despised by other groups throughout history because they were able to read and write! They were educated and that made others feel threatened. If you don’t mind looking uneducated then continue your assault on the English language. Just know we’re pondering your intellect. U can blame yrslf for that.
3. Reading and writing is so boring
Well that’s totally not insulting at all! Last time I checked, people were allowed to have different interests. So reading and writing isn't for you and that’s fine. But to have the gall to speak to someone who obviously enjoys those things is just borderline cruel. It’s not our fault we like to use our brains and think and express ourselves in a way that only other people who like provoking their own thoughts can understand. Gosh!
2. Are you expecting to find work after college?
Last time I checked, the economy still sucks and most college graduates live in their parents’ basement after graduating so ask yourself that question. There are many jobs that an English majors can do with their degree besides teaching. So have fun competing in the over saturated market in the fields that promise jobs out of college because by the time you graduate they’ll be no spots left. Trends change. So soak up that campus life and freedom while you can like the rest of us.
1. English isn't even that important
Yes it is. There’s a reason William Shakespeare’s work is still adored and admired years after he’s been dead. Writers have often been seen as rebels capable of mass destruction because they had a way of expressing serious topics that made people think. Have you ever considered why many books are constantly challenged? Because most great literary works are a reflection and critique on society which makes people uncomfortable. It forces us to recognize the flaws in our ways a being which is incredibly essential. After all these years of writing about issues of class, race and abuse of power you would think we’d have learned by now. Well luckily for English majors, we haven’t. After all, the pen is mightier than sword.
