As I sit here on the verge of falling into a deep, deep slumber, after a sleepless weekend of shenanigans at the legendary (North) Myrtle Beach, I am reminded of the many absurdities I have seen while visiting this utterly charming strip of real estate. I feel like each time I visit the Dirty Myrt, I end up witnessing something very questionable and unexpected, which is all part of the grand experience, I suppose.
For those of you who don't have any idea what I'm talking about, North Myrtle Beach is a popular vacation destination for college students (typically from the South-East), who are ready to rage and let loose after a grueling week of finals, or during fraternity formals, otherwise known as “beach weekends". With that being said, here is a short but sweet list of some of the things I've had the privilege of seeing (at least) one time or another, down at the Dirty Myrt.
“Obama can't ban these guns"
Myrtle is kind of legendary for its graphic tees and klassy printed tanks. They are displayed in all of the store windows, hanging from store awnings, and they can most easily be found on the bodies of the fashion-forward populace of North Myrtle. If you do Myrtle right, you will surely leave with a cotton souvenir from Bargain World, or a low-priced retailer of the like.
Old couples “shagging" while simultaneously taking pulls of fireball
I knew that Myrtle Beach was an elderly hot-spot as well as a trashy college kid destination, however I didn't realize how big of a “shagging" scene there is. (By “shagging", I mean dancing – though there's probably a lot of what you were originally thinking going on, as well). Anyways, these old folks go hard, and they certainly don't like being shown up by the rowdy college kids. They definitely hold their own.
A man wearing a white wife beater and doo-rag ,casually riding a dappled grey horse down the sidewalk
I will admit that I saw this memorable scene on the drive back from Myrtle Beach, but I had to throw it in here because, well, obviously, I've never seen any thing quite like it before, IRL.
Guys in chubbies “captain-morgan-ing" on top of the Señor Willie's taco shack tables
If you aren't getting Mexican drunchies at Señor Willie's taco shack, then you're simply doing Myrtle Beach wrong. Here, you are sure to not only feast on arguably the best cuisine Dirty Myrt has to offer, but you will also witness some of the most memorable drunken antics of all time.
Drunk girls dropping like flies, while walking along the long and treacherous Ocean Boulevard
5 inch Wedges + 6 shots of raspberry Smirnoff = face-down and ashamed on Ocean Boulevard.
An African American male wearing a large confederate flag tank
I truly thought of all of the possible explanations for this situation, when I first saw the man strollin' down the street. And yet, I could not for the life of me come to any type of reasonable conclusion. Maybe, despite what the flag truly stands for, he just enjoys the pattern and color-scheme? #awkward.
Failed attempts at secretive skinny dipping
As in, you think just because it's dark out no one can see you running in the nude towards the murky Atlantic waters. But everyone still sees you. On a flat sandy beach, there aren't really too many places to hide. Despite this, it happens every year, and it will continue to happen every year onwards, until the entirety of North Myrtle Beach falls in on itself to form a giant and unforgiving sinkhole of regrets, and dishonorable life choices.
Long live the Dirty Myrt!
