Everyone says that early adulthood is all about figuring out how to live on your own and survive. They say that there is no “right” way to do so. They say that there will be tears, complications, and poor decisions and confusion. They say it’s going to be one of the best times of your life.

And they are right.

However, nobody told me that I was constantly going to be Googling the answers to my constant stream of questions and confusion. Since moving out of my mother’s house and into a house of my own, I have utilized the miracle that is Google a time or two because, simply I can’t figure everything out without help.

For anyone who knows the feeling, here are some examples of my recent Google searches and a summary of the answers it gave me:

1. Will a paper plate set on fire in the toaster oven?

Answer: Yes, would not advise trying that.

2. Weird rash on left ribcage, like hives but not.

Answer: Benadryl and lots of it.

3. What am I allergic to?

Answer: Probably nothing?

4. Throat itches after eating cucumber, tomato, ranch, lettuce, turkey.

Answer: Just ignore that. There is no proof that the rash is of any relation to this sandwich and the throat itchiness is definitely probably unrelated.

5. Online banking. What’s that all about?

Answer: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6. Toxic shock syndrome?

Answer: Could be life-threatening, change your tampon as directed.

7. How to become an extreme couponer.

Answer: That sh#& looks like a full-time job. You do not have the time, energy, or dedication to do that.

8. Obama riding a skateboard.

Answer:

9. How to clean stove swirly things.

Answer: What?

10. What are the stove swirly things called?

Answer: stove grates.

11. How to clean stove grates?

Answer: Since you are not a thrifty stay-at-home mother, just scrub them with hot water and soap until they look okay, then dry thoroughly.

12. Do you actually need insurance?

Answer: Not if you always walk really, really, carefully.

Alternative answer: You probs do, lil’ homie.

13. How to drop out.

Answer: It looks complicated. Better not.

14. Reasons not to drop out.

Answer: Look at your Pinterest board entitled “the dream crib.” *Sigh.* Do your homework. Stay in school. Imagine all the food you could cook in that kitchen. Imagine the bubble baths you could take. The future is yours.

15. Images of the stuff McNuggets are made of.

Answer: Actually, don’t look at that.

16. Average salary for a reporter by state.

Answer: Blatantly ignore that and follow your dreams!

Alternative answer: You could always marry rich.

17. College GPA calculator.

Answer: Yields a lot of options, but the first one is the best one.

18. How many calories are in a Krispy Kreme doughnut?

Answer: Not as many as you think, you’re golden.

19. How many calories are in a shot of vodka?

Answer: 97, on average.

20. Gif of purple Teletubby walking.

Answer: