You walk down the sidewalk focusing so much on trying not to trip that the focus has eventually caused you to trip over that little red leaf that just fell from the tree right in front of you. You constantly ask yourself "Why me?” after getting extremely embarrassed, because you tripped into class instead of walking in like a normal human being. While everyone is staring at you, your left foot trips you, and all you really want to do is start an argument with the non-existent person that just made your face turn red.
As a person who has accepted his or her clumsiness, I know that not everyone has done so yet. If you fall in front of the entire dining hall on your campus, you get up and laugh because falling has become so normal to you, but instead everyone else looks at you as if you just almost ended your entire life.
If you are as clumsy as I am, I know your pain and I am here to explain to everyone else that we have grown up not knowing which foot should step after the other, and our pain of constantly tripping over dust.
So what is it like being the clumsiest person on Earth?
1. Falling upstairs have become as normal as falling down stairs.
And for some reason you can't understand how you managed to have missed 3 stairs.
2. Your feet are actually your biggest fear.
Right foot... Left foot... Right foot... Right foot... Oh no, too much right foot.
3. With luck, everything you touch breaks.
If someone gives you a fragile expensive gift, you just send it back with them and say, "Thanks, but no thanks."
4. You have bruises that are unexplained.
You run into at least 50 things a day, so knowing which bruise is from what object you hit is very hard to explain.
5. You can’t hold onto anything for more than five minutes without dropping it.
Laying in bed with your phone above your head actually means gaining more bruises on your face.
6. You try to limit yourself from wearing white.
Even before Labor Day, white just doesn't work.
7. People try not to let you drive as much as possible.
As clumsy as you are on your feet, being off of your feet and behind the wheel doesn't change anything.
8. Trying to eat in a moving car is normally a no-go.
Your friends most likely tell you before they leave the drive-thru, "Wait until we get back to the house to eat", but you try to nibble a little bit.
9. Anywhere you go eat is left with a table that looks like a 5-year-old child ate at it.
Just clean up after yourself -- hopefully it wont make you look so bad.
10. Sitting in a chair takes more time than it should.
You don't always get on the seat the very first try. Its okay, better luck next time.
11. People don't ask you to volunteer for any sporting events.
Your friends already know that you catch balls with your face instead of your hands. So just sit this one out.
12. Even without snow you accidentally slipped on "ice."
Just blame the "Black-Ice" that isn't there for you slipping.
13. You can't go grocery shopping alone.
You get scared that you are going to ruin the whole shelf just by grabbing one box.
14. 7:00 a.m. showers with a house full of people become off limits.
Washing your hair turns into soapy eyes and bottles falling one after another in a bathroom with great acoustics to echo it all.
15. Friends don't let you borrow their clothes.
Your friends have learned from future experience that you suck at not ruining anything or losing it.
16. You do not dance on tables at parties.
Even though your friends are doing it, that does not mean you should try it, too.
