A lot of people don't understand bisexuality, and this leads to quite a few ignorant questions and comments that most bisexuals hear all too frequently. Find below some of the more annoying things that are said to/asked of bisexuals:
1. How do you know that you’re bisexual if you’ve never been with a girl/boy?
Well, how do you know you’re straight if you’ve never been with the opposite sex? You just know. I know who I’m attracted to; just because it’s different than who you’re attracted to doesn’t mean I should have to second-guess my entire identity.
2. It’s just a phase.
Again, reevaluate what you’re saying. Just because my sexuality is seen as deviant does not mean that it is a phase.
3. You’re really straight, but you’re just curious.
Nope, sorry. That’s more on par with bi-curious individuals (though not inherently true of all of them).
4. You’re really straight, but you just want attention.
Why would I put myself in danger of being targeted or discriminated against if it wasn’t true? If I just wanted attention, there’s a million other ways I could do it that would put me in a lot less danger.
5. You’re really gay, but you’re just not out of the closet.
Not true—although if it were, who are you to tell me that? Also, it’s not easier to be bisexual than gay—in fact, a lot of the time, we aren’t accepted by the gay community, either.
6. Be careful who you tell.
Yes, I realize that the world can be an ugly, violent, bigoted place. But I am not going to stay in the closet just because it would make it easier to get a job or to be generally accepted by society. Why would you ask someone to deny their identity to protect themselves? That’s victim blaming. Just don’t hurt people because of who they love.
7. Just choose to be straight/just choose one.
This often comes from a place of the speaker genuinely not understanding what bisexuality is. To “choose to be straight” would be denying a part of my identity. Even if I only ever date men, I will still be attracted to women, and to claim otherwise would go against who I am. Bisexuals can’t choose their sexuality more than anyone else can (ie: not at all). While being straight would be a lot easier, it just doesn’t work that way.
8. Bisexuality isn’t real. You’re either gay or straight.
Really? This is news to me. As ludicrous as this may sound to some, bisexual erasure is a real problem.
9. You can’t be bi in a relationship.
If I am in a monogamous relationship with a man, that doesn’t make me straight—I am still attracted to both men and women. I may no longer be acting on any of those attractions outside of my relationship, but they are still there and very much a part of my identity.
10. Bisexuals are liars.
This is a vague one and I don’t really understand if it comes from the idea that bisexuals are cheaters or the idea that bisexuality doesn’t exist. Whatever the reason, I can assure you that there is nothing about being bisexual that inherently makes you a liar.
11. I’d never date someone who’s bi because they’d probably cheat on me.
There is no correlation between someone being bisexual and someone being unfaithful (at least, no more than exists for any other sexuality). Being bisexual means that you are attracted to both men and women; it doesn’t mean that you have to have both men and women at all times. Bisexual individuals are quite capable of monogamy.
12. So you want to have a threesome?
Being bisexual is not the same as polyamory or just wanting to have a threesome in general. Sure, some bi people may want to have threesomes, but they don’t want them just because they’re bi. I imagine they want them for the same reason that other people might want them.
(Please stop inviting me into your threesomes just because I’m bi. Propositioning anyone like that is gross.)
