Dear Anxiety,

I am one of the many people who suffers from you, from your unwanted thoughts, your unwanted panic attacks, your unwanted opinions on any situation. I am one of the many people who suffers from your dark days and the days where you make it seem as if you have left for good, to only come back and hit me harder than before. I am one of the many people who bite the insides of their cheeks in uncomfortable situations, who rub their fingers together without noticing or play with the ring on their right-hand ring finger because it calms them. I am one of those people who overthink every detail in every situation; I am one of those people that sometimes hate waking up in the morning knowing that the day is going to be a lot harder than what it needs to be. I am one of those people.

You came into my life at a very random point in time. Sometimes I tend to blame it on those who used to make fun of me in elementary school, and sometimes I also blame myself. Blaming myself has been the best way to understand you, but the thing is, I am not to blame, because you, anxiety, my dearest friend and closest enemy, were like the wind. I could feel little parts of you coming and going and then one day, you came all at once with no warning other than cloudiness in my mind and nervousness in my heart. My palms were sweaty and my heart started racing, following the shortness of my breath. I then came to realize the word “anxiety attack” was now in my vocabulary.

This was the day that I started to hate myself, the day that I decided that isolation was the solution to all my problems. The word “therapy” made me cringe; the word “medication” made me want to hate myself even more. It made me feel as if I belonged in a white room with no one but myself and no voices but my own and when I took it, it made me feel like I just woke up from being six feet under and was still wrapped in cobwebs and dusty toilet paper.

Anxiety, you were no match for the people who love and care for me, the people who made me get the help I truly needed at the time. You were no match for me and for my strength. I soon learned that I myself could do what I needed to do to get away from someone like you. I weaned myself off the medication that you hated just as much as I did because you couldn't do what you wanted to do; you couldn’t make me feel how you wanted to make me feel. I took advantage of the coping skills I learned and I took advantage of the help from the people who love me, and I also took advantage of me loving myself. The term "self-love" was now in my vocabulary.

Anxiety, you were fading out of my life and I was sure that you would never be totally gone and would always come by to say hello to make sure that you knew that I knew you were still there, watching and waiting. To this day, I still hear from you more often than what I would like. Honestly, I would rather not hear from you at all, but you’ve been one of the biggest “puzzle pieces” in my life. I’m not sure I’d be the same person without you. You benefit me in ways that keep me safe and alert and I thank you for that. I just do not thank you for holding me back in a big part of my life. I do not thank you for the years of self-hate I went through. I do not thank you for your friend depression that you brought with you, and I do not thank you for the struggles. But, Anxiety, I do thank you for making me see how strong I am. I thank you for showing me I can overcome the biggest obstacles in life and I thank you for making me more grateful for my good days. You were not an easy thing to get rid of, but it sure was worth it. Anxiety, you affect many people in this world, but I’m here to tell them that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Dear Anxiety, thank you for the stay, but I think it is time for you to go.

Yours sincerely,

One of the many people.