On a Tuesday afternoon at around one in the afternoon, I was laying on the couch with a glass of wine in my hand watching The Bachelor with my good friend when my phone buzzed. I got an email. That's not unusual to me as I am constantly getting spam emails or emails from my favorite stores offering me discounts on the latest clothes. However, this email was different. It was an email offering me to be a part of a group interview to be a flight attendant.

I was very excited about this as being a flight attendant has been an on and off again dream of mine since High School and I had recently applied with the position with Skywest. I had applied for this job because 1) I enjoy helping people and 2) i love to travel and dream of flying to far off places. It was a few weeks ago I had decided to apply because I was recently laid off from my job and after scrolling through pages of job listings related to Retail, I decided to go on a limb and see if any airlines were hiring. Applying for the job wasn't too difficult and I didn't think much of it again until I saw the email.

I was initially excited because it meant I was a step closer to this job. However the part of the email staying that travel and hotel accommodations for this group interview wouldn't be paid for by the company threw me off just a little as I'd be traveling far for the interview and I am strapped for cash. This got me to thinking about if this job was worth it if just attending the initial interview would set me back financially. This is a scary thing for me to think as this is a job I have wanted for so long yet the costs of this job seem to be more than I would be making.

For those of you who don't know the basics of applying to be a flight attendant, the first step is to apply to a specific airline and then from there you will be invited to a group interview where you can choose the city closest to you. That initial interview last up to six hours and starts at six pm. If you pass the first interview you are invited for a second. If you pass the interview stage, you begin training in Salt Lake City, Utah for three months. At the beginning of the first day of training, you are quizzed on all the duties of a flight attendant (which is given to you to study ten weeks before training through email), and if you fail you are kicked out of training. Once the three months of training is complete, the airline choses a domicile for you in which all your flights take off and land in. On your first day at that assigned domicile, you begin the second stage of training in which you learn how to accommodate operational staffing needs. This usually lasts between two through six days depending on training qualifications. Once that training is complete, you move onto the third and final stage of training. From there you will get your reserve flight schedule.

For me this is a huge financial gamble as before I am even fully hired, I have to move from my home in California to Utah where on my first day of training, I can be fired for not passing a test. This is frightening because if I didn't pass, I not only lose my job but I am also stuck in Utah with no way to make ends meet. I have essentially moved to a new state with no backup plan. And even if things go smoothly, at the end of three months I have to move to another state again on the dime of a hat with no place to live. That means I have to, within maybe a day, have to find money to fly to my new home, find a place to live temporarily, start a job, and then find a permanent home. This is not only very stressful but also very expensive. As new flight attendants only make $18 an hour, I wonder how they can afford all this moving so easily.

Aside from the financial burden, I also worry about how accepting this job will affect everything I leave behind in California. Where I live now, I have my family, friends, and a loving and devoted boyfriend. If I accept my dream job I'd be moving away from all of them which would be extremely depressing and make me very lonely. My boyfriend and I know we would do the long distance route if it came to that as he has a stable job in California so it is not feasible for him to move to Utah then some other state less than a year apart. Also, me and him just started dating seven months ago so for me it seems risky and scary to move so far from each other when our life together is just beginning. I am also afraid to leave behind my family as we are extremely close. I am afraid to leave my boyfriend's family behind as me and them have become so close and they are some of my favorite people. I am afraid that leaving my friends will result in losing contact with them thus making us grow apart.

I am scared because my great-grandma and grandpa are 96 and 97 and not in the best of health. I am afraid that their time on Earth is ending sooner rather than later. I am afraid that if I leave California and accept a job where I can't get any time off due to the fact that I don't have seniority, that if they pass on I can't attend their funerals and get to say goodbye. I am afraid that with my cousins having babies, I'll never get to meet them as I live so far away and am always working. As my siblings and my boyfriend's family begin to have kids of their own, I'm nervous I'll never get to meet and know my nieces and nephews. With my boyfriend's parents aging, I am afraid with always being gone I'd never get to know them as much as I want and get to show them how much I love their son and how much of an addition I can add to their family.

I am afraid that for how wonderful a job like this is, that I'll be losing far more if I take the job than if I don't take it. I am afraid that I'll regret it if I don't. I am afraid that the cons outweigh the pros. I know high school me would balk that I was even considering not going to the interview, but high school me didn't have so much to lose either. It's scary not knowing what the right decision is but at the same time, I don't want to lose my life here due to me being hasty. I know taking this job will be a massive sacrifice that tests my relationship, mental and physical health, and willpower but is it a sacrifice I am willing to take? I don't know the answer to that question right now and I doubt I will make a decision tonight or tomorrow, but I do know that whatever I choose, I can't look back and wonder what if.