There's No Such Thing As Loving Too Much

There's No Such Thing As Loving Too Much

A different perspective in how love can play into our daily life

“Everything we do in life is either an act of love or a call to love.”

These are words spoken at a yoga class I took a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been thinking about them since. What does it mean to love? Can we love too much or too little? Is there a wrong way to love?

So often, we are told how we should love: help others, do random acts of kindness, show people you care for them. When it comes to relationships, we are warned against loving people “too much”, against putting too much energy into a person. But what does that even mean? Why is caring considered a bad thing in one instance and a good thing in another?

That is why the quote I began with has been such a source of reflection for me. If everything we do is either done out of love or with the intent to love, then no action we take is separate from love itself.

Therefore, there is no such thing as loving too much, because everything we do is, indirectly or directly, related to love.

I think at times we are advised to guard our hearts in the fear of what could go wrong, in the fear of pain. But Alfred Lord Tennyson once said, “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” While this may not relate to the subject of loving “too much”, it does relate to what holds us back from loving with our full heart: in essence, fear of failure and loss. These are not to be feared, but embraced as a part of life.

I propose we look at love a different way. With the mindset that everything we do is somehow related to love, then feeling as if you are giving “too much” or “too little” is simply a trigger to reaffirm and re-intend your commitment to living a life of love.

While it may not be possible to love “too much”, perhaps it is possible to invest excessive energy into one person or situation.

If we spend our time doing so much we find ourselves drained at the end of the day or caring for a loved one, this may be a sign to pause and think about where your actions of love are going.

For me, that stereotypical idea that we are loving “too much” is simply a sign that our energy should be shifted elsewhere, to a different act of love.

For some, this might mean giving more love to themselves. It is so easy to get caught up in helping others that we forget to take care of ourselves. However, if we are not attentive to our own body, mind, and spirit, how can we love that of another? I have always been such an advocate of self love and care because it is something that is often missing from my life.

For others, this reinvestment of energy may mean taking on a new project or passion, or something that brings joy, and in turn, love, into your day to day life.

It should be noted that the feeling of loving “too much” is all relative and varies from person to person. Some may be able to engage in more external actions of love, and others may need more time to do these things. But when we decide to live our life with the intent to love, the amount we do will never be what matters.

Instead, this life devoted to love will be one full of quality interactions with ourselves and others.

I find it so beautiful and reassuring to think about the fact that even the mistakes I have made, every time I seem to mess up, that all of this was still somehow linked to love. When I think about life in this way, it is easier for me to forgive both myself and others for our actions. We are all on this journey together, whether we know it or not. It is time we remember that.

To end with another quote, from a Course in Miracles:

Love. What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? What would you have me say, and to whom?

Talk soon,

Sam

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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When Your Best Friend Falls In Love

With the Absolute Wrong Person.

 

Watching your best friend fall in love can be a wonderfully  terrifying ordeal. You watch them become attached to this total intruder  and most of the time, at least for a little while, you fade into the  background. They choose this new person over you, and you feel betrayed.  But, not to worry! Your best friend still loves you just as much as  they did before! They just have to spend more time with this new and  exciting person for a while. You watch them stumble about in love,  making mistakes and learning things. It feels a bit like watching your  own baby take their very first steps; you don’t want to let go of their  hands for fear that they’ll hurt themselves, but you know that you have  to, or they’ll never learn their lesson.

Watching your best friend fall in love can be beautifully painful. It  is wonderful to see how your best friend glows when things go well, and  it is agonizing to watch this new person tear them down when things  change. It tears at the seams of your heart and soul to watch them  remain in love with someone who is causing them so much pain. You hear  their cries and want to pull them away to safety, yet they stay  willingly within the reach of the cause of their broken heart, in hopes  that something will change and the person that once held their fragile  heart together will stop ripping it to shreds, and everything will  suddenly be back to the way it was. It’s especially traumatizing to know  that you were the one holding their heart together, to know that, if  you were left with the pieces to pick up, you would do so much better.

Watching your best friend fall out of love can be crushing, yet  fulfilling. You will watch them slowly, and through hot tears, turn back  to you and realize that this person broke them. It will be time again  for your best friend to make the grand decision; should I really stay?  You let them know that you support them and that you love them, no  matter what they choose, but their partner says the same. Will your best  friend notice the difference? That you mean it, and their partner  probably doesn’t? Falling out of love is hard, everyone knows that, but  you promise to be there to keep your best friend from breaking their  back on the pavement, even if it crushes you on impact. Your best friend  will make this decision, and there is nothing you can do about it. But  when they choose, you will be there, cheering them on. If they choose to  leave this toxic relationship, you’ll heal them and hold them until  they’re all better, and ready to do it over again. If they choose to  stay, you’ll do your best to heal them until they’re ready to leave.  That’s what best friends are for.

Falling in love with your best friend is hard. Watching them fall in  love is harder. Watching your best friend live in a toxic relationship,  under what you can only assume is a love spell that their partner has  cast, is absolutely horrifying.

Having hope that, one day, your best friend will fall in love with  the right person, is what holds both of you together. Don’t forget that  that is what you both want. As soon as it happens, you'll be the first to know...you are their best friend, after all.


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The Fairytale: Chapter Two 

The broken leading the broken 

You do not realize something is gone until you wake up everyday for a month and do not have it. Waking up with no good morning text messages or knowing you were going to hang out with that person. I woke up lonely and confused for a month. I woke up wondering what I did wrong or what I could have done better. I woke up with tears in my eyes looking in the mirror at what I thought was the problem. ME. I had the amazing support system of my family and friends to make me get out of bed and try and get my mind off the fact that my heart was broken. I started my first big girl job and would work during the day and cry at night. It was a vicious cycle that I was not sure how to get out of. I was punishing myself for him not wanting me. The months of July and August I was sad, confused, unworthy and broken. 

They say people come into your life for a reason and that I truly believe. In the month of September I received a Facebook message from an unruly person that had not crossed my mind since freshmen year in high school. Little did I know that getting that Facebook message would slowly change everything about how broken I was. The message was from a guy that secretly had a crush on me in middle school (at least he thought it was a secret, but he is probably as subtle as a gun). The message happened because  I saw a friend request in my inbox that I had left there for 6 years. He was surprised I finally accepted it which is why I got an immediate message. He messaged to ask how I was doing and for some insane reason I was completely honest. I was broken. I proceed to explain to him my sally sob story about how I was going through heart break. For the second time, I had real conversation. He read about all my issues and I definitely talked about myself too much. Then it was his turn. I was done explain my current situation and asked how he was doing. I did not get the response I expected. The skeletons in his closet were ones that were hard for me to even wrap my brain around. After his story of how he was where he was, we had this moment of realizing we were both broken just in different ways. We started texting everyday and those text turned into phone calls, and those phones calls turned into hour long Facetime talks. He was helping me through my sadness and insecurities and I was helping him through realizing his worth and change his course in life. 

The day came for us to actually talk in person and make this phone relationship evolve to something other than Facetime talks. It was decided that I would drive and stay the night at his house because it was late and a far drive to hang out for a couple hours and come home. On the drive there I was so nervous. I was scared that when I got there it would be awkward or that he would not be what he was on the phone. My insecurities were coming in and out. I was back in that current of living life in the moment and worrying about what could happen. This time there was no life raft. I pulled up and it was interesting to see him in person considering the last time I saw him I was 14. I came in and we talked and watched a movie and made hot coco, because it was winter and he knew from our phone conversations that making hot coco was one of my favorite things to do. I felt so comfortable and acted myself for the first time since the break up. I left the next morning and went home. On the drive home I could not believe he was able to let me talk about another guy while also some how distracting me from the feeling of crying. 

Time went on and our conversations on the phone got longer and longer until finally he moved from being so far away. Now he was only a 30 minute drive from work. We started hanging out as friends that needed the company. He made me realize that I need to get out and do things. I started calling my friends to go do things and started being myself again. I started "dating". I use the word dating lightly because creating an account on bumble and going on dates that lead to nothing but free dinners is not really dating in my opinion. I slowly stopped going on dates with other guys and turned a lot of my attention to the guy that liked me even when I was broken. I would go over to his place after work and stay there over the weekends. He was a secret that I kept from my family and friends. Not because I was worried about his skeletons ruining my reputation but more because I did not want anything to affect feeling happy for the first time. 

When I finally told my friends about him, because it was hard to explain why I would randomly go MIA, I did not tell them his real name. Instead I used his initials. That was and is who is he is to everyone. Having him as a secret made things interesting. 

He treated me the way I think I wanted to and needed to be treated considering I was getting over my ex. I was honest with not being ready or wanting a relationship, but that did not stop his feeling from growing for me. He was falling in love and I was being honest with where I stood. He surprised me with amazing gifts even though he knew I liked to give more then I liked to get. He showered me with the five love languages (quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts or service, physical touch). I was realizing that I did not need to punish myself anymore and it was not my fault that things did not work out with my ex. Things did not work out with us because we grew apart and wanted completely different things in a partner. I wanted a mature guy that was ready to settle down and choose my feeling over anything else. He was still stuck in college and partying only concerned with himself. 

My little secret and I were both in a good place with who we were, but I am not going to sugar coat anything. His issues lead to a lot of arguments and he at no fault of his own talked to me in ways that I did not deserve. He is a person that just like myself is working to continue to stay unbroken from what we were before that Facebook message. We kept up this relationship that we were pretending was not a relationship until I left the country yet again for a trip of a life time, that little did I know would change my life path again and sadly hurt him in the process. 

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