There is a certain community amongst us that has a hard time seeing things other than what's presented, these particular people react to what they have heard/felt instead of taking a step back and realizing everything at play. My entire 19 years of living I've been told this aspect of life, something I still don't fully understand to this day, is called the "gray area." See, I used to be stuck in this mindset where if someone crossed me for some random reason, that was that. It didn't matter what they were going through, nor did it matter what lead them to lashing out on me (of all people). What mattered was that you respected me just like I did to you--do not bring any external drama and tension and allow me to feel your pain.
There's no drawn out rant because to be frank, it simply can't be that way. I didn't know this but what the gray area does is grant insight on the inner workings of situations and even my peers, it allows me to understand where they are coming from and why it has to be that way. And please don't be mistaken, all because I found out what the gray area is doesn't mean I'm cool with it. Example: When I see or hear about war, I can't help but think of all the casualties and mayhem that follows. We have troops risking their sanity for our protection, but those troops, despite the rigorous training and bloodshed they equally spill, aren't troops in my eyes. They're like me and you; those are people going out there putting there mental state in danger and compromising parts of themselves. That is why when it comes to war-- I'm sorry but when it comes to war the gray area will never be enough to help me understand why there is such a thing as child soldiers. I write that sentence sitting next to my 10-year-old cousin, whose playing "Injustice: Gods Among Us" and owning the CPU with Batman on the highest difficulty. Yet people do it and it would be ignorant to just narrow it down to the side effects instead of actually thinking some may have a legit reason or motivation.
But you know, maybe that's how naive I am to the real world. Because what the gray area has taught me about the real world is that it will indeed tap dance all over you, it doesn't give a hoot if you're on the mightiest of pedestals or scavenging garbage cans for your next meal, this world of ours will do what it wants to us as it please. What it hasn't taught me is why there's such need for superiority (that's what war is all about) or why people feel the need to express extreme disdain whether it be racism, bigotry, oppression, or general dehumanization.
It's a scary time to be a black man in America, let me just put that out there. But it's not even the violence that confuses and scares me, it's the why and how of it all. How some people can just erase someone's accomplishments, and aspirations due to them being a different pigmentation baffles me. How it has happened for so long and to such an extent is nothing but hurtful. I mean we've known about police racism dating all the way back to Rodney King for Christ sakes! But honestly if there is one word to describe how I feel about America right now; it would be hurt, not anger, not sadness. Hurt because I don't know why everything has to be this way. Hurt because I have yet to understand why it does. Hurt because I'm perplexed by all of this but there's no real answer in sight. Yeah, I've accepted what the gray area is, which in this case is generalized racism and collective oppression/dehumanization. But the gray area cannot (and probably will never) teach me why that has to be the case.
