So before I go more into depth I just want to say, it has been quite difficult to find words to express my heartbreak. I didn't know if I was going to talk about it at all, but my thoughts have been a little hazy lately. And each time I zone off, my mind always find homage in memories I had with that person.
A few months ago I got out of a long relationship and I have had a couple of weeks to really try to understand everything; but the truth is I'm still trying to get over the vulnerability that I had when we broke up. Now as I reflect on my actual relationship, when it happened of course I was deeply sad it ended. I'll admit there was some days that I couldn't get out of my bed and all I wanted to do was sleep. But that wasn't helping anyone, so I tried occupying myself with things that could keep me busy. I started to find things that would make me happy, which resulted in a lot of writing. He inspired stories in me that were waiting to be written. There wasn't any point in which I resented him or hated him. I was mostly nostalgic for the times that we had shared and sad to let go of both a possible future with him and having him as my bestfriend.
I might be a cliche, but I am a believer in soulmates. Not necessarily in the way that most people are, but in the way that there are people out there that are going to come into your life and change it. At the time you might not know exactly how, but figuring out is the fun part. I am grateful for everything he taught me. Just because it is over, it doesn't mean that I forgot what he taught me about myself and other aspects of the world. Being with someone for a good sufficient amount of time teaches you a lot about the relationships you carry with them.
He taught me to be open and honest about who I am. And just stop being afraid of letting others know what I am feeling. It is easy to let others choose your path for you; but at the end of the day your happiness only comes from the choices you make.
He was a giant music nerd, so he would talk about the technique and sound of music all the time. Although we had very different music tastes, we appreciated each other's music. Since him, I started to listen to music differently. I felt the echoes of the musician as they sang so wistful. Music isn't something that is so background to me anymore, I connect with it on a more personal level and take the artistry of the musician heavily.
And he taught me that is it okay to laugh at myself once in a while. To not take everything too seriously and just breathe. In the end we were just kids in love, laughing at each other about the simplicity of life.
Mostly he taught me that when you love, love with all your heart. Make the love that you have with someone passionate, childish, pure, honest, and indulge in all the emotions that you can create with them. Love can definitely make us crazy, but is the the best kind of crazy we can experience as humans. Make it the best love that has ever been formed and most of all make it truthful.
Appreciate the time that you have with that person. There will be complications that will make it more difficult to be together, but that is just life. Hold onto what you have and let the course of it live as much as it can. Remember all the good, and the beautiful moments you spent together. I have learned that it will be more than okay. I do miss him, and I know that a part of me will always cherish everything we went through; but that is done and life keeps moving on. Friendships, relationships, and family make life great; but I am also enough for myself. I am all I need, and I want to keep learning what this lifetime will take me through.
